Monday, June 4, 2012

Worry & Fear vs Love & Wisdom as Motivators & Catalysts

Sorry for my slackery here on my side of the universe and the lack of any new material from me on all my artistic fronts. I have justifiable excuses though. I swear! May was the month of hell for me. As I dealt with and am still moving through a bunch of literal disasters and bureaucratic red tape that would make the best and most motivated of us look up at the sky and yell, WHY ME OH THRICE GREAT OKAPI!?!?!? WHY ME!?!?

I have to laugh at my own life though. If I were reading about me in a comic book, I would be laughing.  After a wonderful time in Florida with friends, theme parks, and world class chef skillery (yeah - that's me cooking up some Blackout goodness for friends - I make words up) - I returned to NYC and it seemed my life literally fell to shit.  I lost a very big film production client over 'creative differences' who owed me money I was counting on, and as if that didn't suck enough, and I'm not kidding you here, I'm in a basement apartment that had the toilet explode and flood with shit. Full shit all over the place from the sewer. Who has that happen to them? SERIOUSLY!? What the hell?  Did someone voodoo to me? Did I do some great karmic wrong? No, I couldn't figure it out... the yinyang was TOO much!  The force too strong!

I had faced my fears and gone to FL court to fix all this bureaucratic red tape BS - and had emerged victorious, but then when I return to my studio in NYC - there is CRAP everywhere - LITERALLY!!!   It is STILL being cleaned up as I write this.  I started to feel overwhelmed right then. "How will I EVER clean this up? Holy SHIT!?!?" and then another whammy hit! After much money spent, and a thrilling victory in getting my Florida license cleaned up (bullshit of the bureaucratic kind) and being able to drive again, I just got a letter that the Florida 'computer' has decided on its own to revoke my license again even after everyone told me I was fine clear - dandy, no points, paid up, and even have 'SAFE DRIVER' on my damn record!  It was such an about face reversal of fortune  overwhelmingly shitty month (literally) that I really felt myself start to backslide into giving up. Throwing in the towel (and may 25th was/is towel day). I was feeling small and overwhelmed. That feeling you get when you have given something your all and thought you tasted sweet victory, only to have it all blow up right before your very eyes. I was disgusted, angry, furious, pissed,  fearful, overwhelmed, worried, and defeated. I was ready to fire cartoon guided missiles at the Florida DMV and then one at the house I live in and then one at myself.

One thing was different though this time.


The defeatist attitude doesn't stick anymore.

I recognized it. The backsliding, the slow grip of fear returning...the mind chatter of the fearful worried ego telling me that surely this proves that my positive thinking was all a sack of shit, and to prove it - the universe had exploded shit right where I lived, and taken away my ability to drive away from the shitty grossness by having all the red tape bullshit come back as well! SHIT everywhere, but I MUST stop this shitty thinking or only MORE shit will be the result! Oh shit!

As I sat around looking at the crap all over my apartment / studio floor, and the letter of license revocation. I was almost fully defeated - but a little voice behind me that has learned how to view me outside of myself...well, that voice chimed in. That voice...that AWARENESS that has been fully activated for a while now, that part of me then can see me in a third person perspective - it was laughing and laughing.  It took some time, but I had to laugh too.  I simply HAD TO. There was no other way to look at it. I took a deep breath (outside because I didn't want to breathe what was in my studio - way too smelly), stretched... and then got to the task at hand by.... GOING TO SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE!  Yes, that's right. That's how I handled it - by riding some more roller coasters.  Yes. I hear you responsible naysayers. Completely irresponsible of me I know - but there was no fixing the shit storm THAT weekend and no insurance and thousands of numbers to call and  my license was TECHNICALLY still valid it was only GOING to be revoked cause of a stupid law and time technicality (which I am currently working on). So WHY THE HELL NOT?  I had nowhere to sleep so I protected my most expensive film making gear by moving it and saved what puppets I could but beyond that getting the hell out of there was the best idea I could think of, and IT WAS A GOOD IDEA because when I came back, I had much relief and better clarity and was now ready to deal with everything, and then I started the overwhelming tasks of cleaning everything up by moving forward one step at a time and just seeing the end goal - not all the little steps. It's an on going process and was/is no fun let me tell you but I didn't give up. I AM STILL cleaning up this mess as I write this. This writing is actually a BREAK from cleanup! Are you enjoying my break?

This whole scenario really got me to thinking about fear and worry, and also about joy and fun,  and motivation... what IS it exactly that motivates people, and what stops some people dead in their tracks, and why I was better at handling it this time... where the OLD me of a few years ago would have been ready to off myself.   So lets tackle our old friends again - WORRY & FEAR!

People still stuck up in worry and fear keep telling me how they and everyone else needs their worry - that the WORLD needs worry and fear because worry and fear make people get things DONE.

Well, to those who hold these beliefs, I can not argue your worry out of you because that would violate your free will. If you believe that you have a lot more pain and suffering coming for you because you feel you need it, or because you think someone else is doing it - it doesn't really matter - you will get it. Realize that you are thinking and causing it - no one else. If you think you are so small in this big bad universe filled with manipulators too big to ever surpass... that the whole world's gone to shit and there's no coming back - well, you have your belief systems in place and it will feedback what you think. Are their manipulators and groups still hell bent on controlling you covertly through fear - absolutely, but they do it with your consent, or by your passivity or your outright worry or lack of self worth or self trust. I believe all beings to be equal powerful beings and unique. Some are more aware then others of certain things at certain times, and some use this advanced awareness for control over others or outright enslavement, and some care not for controlling others, and would have everyone be free, but by their very nature they can not and should not force that viewpoint!

Times are changing though so fast that even the most 'normal' or 'regular' person (whatever those two words mean) feels something is going on. I truly believe that this is the time to be dedicated to doing something without worry or FEAR as the motivator. Why am I writing this right now? No one is whipping me. I feel like doing it, I feel that SOMEONE is going to read it, and is going to get it, and is going to feel better for it, or helped a little by it, or inspired a little, and that makes me feel GREAT, and I am just writing from the heart.

In reality - we find in life, that usually the ones who are the most successful, with successful defined as "living their life dreams as they see fit" - were not driven by fear or worry - but by joy, passion, and dedicated focus. Again if suffering does form some motivator or catalyst initially - (which I believe it does) this does not mean it must forever! I think one only needs to suffer as long as one needs to know one need not suffer anymore. Some people seem to need a hell of a lot more suffering then others and might even be addicted to it. I see the old methods and systems of control that are worry / fear / suffering based as systems causing you to REACT to the external rather than ACT from the internal. The new new and better motivators (not so much new, but finally accepted as not fluff hippie talk) being love / joy / passion / excitement being so strong that not only will you be pulled to ACT in the direction of your passion, not REACT from fear of the whip, loss ,or the unknown, but it will require a force so great to STOP you from ACTing on your joy. There is no force that great except one - YOU. Only YOU stop you, consciously or unconsciously. You set up your blocks!

The analogy or metaphor I often think of to really get this idea and feeling into others is this, and you can get this easily right now because this is a real scenario that happens every morning so it's not hard to visualize. I have been part of this scenario in real life many times:

Imagine many people at the gate early in the morning when Disneyworld opens. Do you have to make the kids 'worried' about getting to the ride that they want to ride first to get them to act? Do you have to use fear? NO.

"Hey Bobby you better run cause you might not make it to the ride first or it might shut down, oh and yeah - kick any kid or anyone else who seems to be getting ahead of you or who might be in line before you. Kill them is you must it's survival of the fittest!"

No - that's ridiculous even though I'm sure there are a few military style parents who think that way with the fast passes bs and what not selling people more fear and worry of what they will 'miss out' and charging them another ticket after the ticket they already paid! Sure - there will be a few rotten apples but the true reality of the situation is that for most of the people there (at least the younger people and old as well who are still young at heart and not so jaded) are so excited and filled with joy that each moves towards his or her favorite thing with massive joy leading the way - not fear, and not worry.

Some run, some walk super fast, and some merrily stroll very slowly and take each little detail in and savor it - but for the most part, fear or worry are not the motivators at a theme park when those gates open. Excitement, magic, fun, wonder, playfulness and joy - which are all aspects of our most true authentic state as loving beings - this is the world I move towards. This is what spins around in the multi never before seen colors brighter than the sun theme park in my head. This is the great transformation I have made in myself (and it is a continual work in progress - I slip back, sure, oh do I slip - but now I am aware of it, and once you become aware of how you used to lead a fear based life, you'll always notice when you start to slip back because it feels so awful and heavy!).

I share this with others who WANT to hear and I explain that while the journeys and paths are all individual - there are certain methods to awaken you to YOU that are universal. Enlightenment is just a re-connection to the natural joyful consciousness of your most authentic self, and we all have different joys, but the feeling of joy is universal. I may love acting, roller coasters, film making, and Thrice Great Okapis, and you might like pickled herring, canoeing, camels, and lobsters. Whatever! Go for it! ACT on your joy. How can you NOT!? It's when you don't now, THAT is when you will feel worry, and sadness, as we start to operate from a better perspective and not the ass backwards way we have been. In the new paradigm shift - you'll naturally act towards your positive aspects and only feel worry and fear when you don't ACT towards your joy.... because that negative feeling will be the indicator of you holding YOURSELF back when you want to fly! Many of you are already feeling this as you start to 'get it'.

I made big mistakes in trying to 'help' certain people when they had firmly decided to be a 'victim'. I would get so frustrated that it would burn me out. Part of it was my own ego - I HAD TO SHOW THEM IF THEY COULD ONLY SEE, and part if it was just being plane empathetic and frustrated when seeing someone you care about hurt themselves so badly in a loop of sorts, and you can see the door - and you are trying to point them to the door out of the loop, but not only do they not see the way out as you clearly do, they kind of hate you for seeing it and for trying to help them because since they can't see it they take your help as almost a kind of self torture.

I'm done with that stuff.

I never give up on anyone or judge anyone (in some final sense) to the best of my abilities, but I now know very quickly who to talk to, and who to move away from, and I follow that instinctively and intuitively. This is Love, with Wisdom, or at least my version of it.

Love, Light, Laughter, Kindness, Creativity & Abundance ALL-ways,

- Blackoutl

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