Sunday, June 24, 2012

What's In Your Food & Water? The NWO Globalist Chemical Company Slow Kill Agenda & Alex Jones

A lot of people think Alex Jones is a nut case because he rants with a lot of anger.  I don't agree that rage is the answer but sometimes it does get you moving. I want to make it clear that just because I post some pieces of his does not mean I agree with everything he says 100% or in the ways he goes about things. I post pieces from various sources of truth seekers ONLY after I have done the research myself. I don't believe in siding with any party or group label.  I don't 'follow' anyone. I believe in making my own best choices based on love, intelligence, wisdom, and respect. I may make mistakes, but I learn from those mistakes.

So that much being said, yes, ia posting n Alex Jones clip here because it gets out a lot of important information in a short period of time that then can be expanded upon by you doing your own research.

In one of the calmest and most concise pieces he has put together - he explains the damage done by globalists and courts allowing life to be patented and controlled by global companies like Monsanto. This is not nutso conspiracy talk. This is fact and is going on RIGHT NOW and has been going on for some time but it was mostly hidden..  This is a must watch for anyone who cares or wonders about these questions:

 Why so many people are getting sicker earlier and earlier with weird new diseases and why are fertility rates are going down down down. If technology, modern science and medicine is so good, why have the average lifespans of humans decreased and while diseases in both children and adults increased? Does that sound like scientific progress to you?

The unfortunate reality is that it makes a much better business model for big pharma to have a sick, slowly dying patient than a cured one. This is why no western medicines cure - they only treat symptoms, while usually introducing a whole slew of side effects that may be worse than the original disease or illness! We have all heard the lengthy and horrid side effect disclaimers at the end of supposed 'medicine' commercials with the list of side effects often including death.. yes.. DEATH is a side effect now!  But most people don't want to think about or confront this stuff. Most are too busy playing with gadgets if they are doing well with money or too busy trying to financially survive to care that they are being slowly dna gene manipulated by frankenfood and toxic water. Then they wonder why they get a heart attack or some weird disease at 35.

"That can't be possible? I'm young! They scream out!"

Well it IS possible, it IS happening, and it needs to be addressed.

Think of the spike in non fertile men & women and the child mental and focus problems we currently see. Accident? I say no and the evidence is there.

Watch Food Inc, King Corn, Tapped, The Beautiful Truth, or any of the hundreds of documentaries done on how Monsanto and other monolith global companies have taken control of the worlds food supply (and now they're going after the water). Then don't just blindly believe it - research it for yourself. There are good scientists who know about this and have done independent tests that conclusively prove how harmful GMO food is, and how harmful fluoride in drinking water is, and they HAVE been trying to warn us, but the media is owned unfortunately by mostly bad guys in bed with these companies  - so use the internet to research and pull up the real science while it's still here before it becomes a terrorist act to do so.

Wise up, and use your money wisely. Voting isn't going to do shit. Romney or Obama? That's like a choice between Cancer or Lou Gehrig's Disease  Vote with your money. Don't support products or companies that are damaging. Support local farmers, businesses, and people you trust. Know the source of your food and water, and get an affordable water filtration system that removes fluoride.

PS: This piece is not about 'alien' as in ufo stuff. If that is what you are thinking - it is about humans wanting to control other humans (which has been going on apparently forever on this planet) by patenting and OWNING life (which they have already won the patent for) and introducing alien combinations into the food and water supply fully knowing the damage it causes which increases with every generation. Even Monsanto will not eat their own food inside their company cafeterias. I know I am usually known to bring humor, levity, and laughter to people, and I shall continue to do that. I am sorry if stuff like this scares some of you and makes you want to put your head in the sand like and ostrich, but from KNOWING what is going on, only then can we can make healthy loving choices not only ourselves, but humanity as a whole - present and future generations. Many of you have children. If you don't do something now - out of LOVE, not out of fear, your children may not being able to have children. Educate yourself. We can overcome this. We can not look to our politicians to do it any longer. WE must BE our own politicians.

- Blackout

Friday, June 15, 2012

Being Talent & Tech - My Geek Side - Digital Film Making Finally Beats Chemical Film Making




I'm an imagination person first. There's a theme park carnival universe in my head / hear - then I'm an an actor, then a writer, then a director, then a DP and then an editor (I think... the orders of those things switch - and I'm not including music or broadcasting or hosting). Somehow after or before or quantum sideways of that I have something to do with the Thrice Great Okapi but let's not get into that now. Why must you readers always distract me? Oh wait, you haven't read this yet. It's me who's distracting me. So sorry, let me get on with it:

As the title says. Digital Film Making Finally Beats Chemical Film Making.

I just viewed Prometheus. This article is not about the movie plot or merits. It was OK.  OK it was a little better than OK... I'd say 3 stars out of 4 for you geeks out there. It was dark and highly predictable in that same way that so many sci fi movies are with their ominous shots of Halo like activity but it was a fairly good movie none the less and the visuals are amazing! The focus here is that it was shot and projected entirely digitally. No chemical film.  I viewed it in 3D on dual 8K digital projectors from a digital source (it was shot on Red Epic digital cameras with Zeiss Ultra Prime and Angenieux Optimo Lenses) and I was so impressed that it led me to write this column that will only be appreciated by hard core film or motion picture buffs, fellow film makers, or total and absolute techy nerds.

I apologize to my regular 'wacky guy with a hat" audience about the extreme levels of techy geek I am about to enter but I am compelled to write on this for my film making friends (we need to change that terminology to 'motion picture' or 'movie' making, because old school film making is finally really dead and unnecessary.  OOPS I just blew my whole article away! That was a huge spoiler... oh well anyway I thought I'd give the above disclaimer, and now having done that... here we go!

Chemical film is finally dead. Let me make it clear I don't say this with a hatred of chemical film like it is some witch or beast that needed to be slayed, but it was/is just way too expensive. People who had the money liked this fact as it keep them in some sort of elitist club. I did not. I used to have fantasies of stealing panavision film equipment when I found out they only rented and didn't sell film cameras and related equipment. I say this as a LOVER of the motion picture 24p chemical film look that has been on a loooong (add as many o's as you need to make that long really looooong) quest to make movies that looked like what...well movies looked like... well.. at the movies!!! I was not once ever satisfied with digitally shot and digitally projected movies from the Star Wars fiascos to the IMAX lies (especially in 3D) until now.

Watching Prometheus on dual 8K projectors was the first time I could sit closer than mid row and be absolutely immersed in the entire film without seeing the artifacts of digital film making or 3D problems. The picture was as detailed as I have ever seen - other than some outstanding real (chemical film) IMAX 3D films - but nearly the same, and there were no pixels, the brightness was excellent, the 3D did not flicker. I mean seriously - holy shit it finally works! Give someone a gold star sticker!!!


So actual chemical film appears to really be dead now. There. I've said it again. Now I have never been a fan of the Red One camera but I have to say the Red Epic is, well, fairly Epic, and while it is still out of reach cost wise for most indie film makers, it has sealed the coffin on shooting with actual chemical film - and there are HD-SLRs out there that look nearly as good as the Epic without the cost if you don't mind not shooting at 5k resolution, which most people don't need and most audiences don't appreciate unless it's a massive screen and they are sitting close enough (we'll get to that in a bit).

Hollywood will use chemical film it a little longer because just like any old system that is in place - they don't like to change what is already working until they are absolutely forced to or the new thing saves them major cash and looks just as good or better. Well after finally seeing a film on dual 8K projection systems (unconverted from a 5k master) and then watching Men in Black 3 on a regular 2K digital projection system - the comparison is like this - Men in Black 3 looked to Prometheus like Nintendo Wii looks like after you play PS3 or XBOX 360 on a big real 1080p screen: horrible and blocky!

I enjoyed MIB3 immensly and think it was a much more fun movie to watch - but it looked horrible, and here's the funniest part of the whole thing - Men In Black 3 was shot on real chemical 35 mm Kodak film. It probably would have looked great if it was actually projected on 35mm film on real film projectors but that's a dying thing here in NYC. Almost all the movie theaters have gone entirely digital. Even little indie Film Forum and art house cinemas are going totally digital. It's just what level of digital have they gone to and as the hardware gets better and cheaper it's obvious film is going bye bye.

A 2K projector works great in your home living room theater or a small small venue, but it's not so hot  for a very large venue unless you're sitting past the mid row to the back row of seats. If you sit close than that, you'll see something like this:

Eww! What 2K projection looks like if you sit too close!

So let's talk about chemical film motion picture capture and projection vs digital motion picture capture and projection for a bit here, and lets talk about resolution and perceived resolution. This will be the really short cliff notes version.

Again, we need to stop calling films "films" now I guess and stick to "motion pictures" or "movies" because movies are not going to be made on film anymore for very long so it's confusing to call them films.

People love stories, and motion pictures are supposed to tell stories, and stories compress life into bigger than life moments and movie making is the latest of human art forms (only been around the past 100 years or so compared to say painting and sculpture that go back as far as time) and it's the only human art form that combines ALL the disciplines of EVERY OTHER art form and science known to man into a new art form. Movies basically combine all of the the arts into one. Writing, story telling, acting, live performance, photography, sound recording, music, dance, editing, art design, architecture, sculpture, modeling, carpentry, building, painting, lighting, magic, slight of hand, illusion, and the list goes on and on. All of us at one time or another have watched that gigantic list of credits that scroll after a movie and marveled at how such a thing could get done that involved so many people of so many different artistic disciplines. When a big movie actually does come out great it actually is a miracle to behold when you think of all the individual parts that have to gel together to make the whole movie work.

But I digress again. I love movies. That's the point. I love acting more than directing because acting is so much more fun for me... it's a virtual cake walk (sorry fellow actors but it is). Directing and editing are WOOOORRRRRRRK and this is why you'll find large gaps between my pieces, especially if I am trying to write, act, and direct. It's awesome inspiring fun creative work but damn it's work and so you'll never catch me procrastinating when it comes to acting - I can pop into any character almost on the spot, but with directing, shooting, and editing I procrastinate like a mofo. Acting is a lot more playtime to me. Talk about the craft all you want but acting for motion pictures can be done with 'no skill' if someone just 'has it' or is naturally right for a part. I have cast non actors plenty of times and it worked sometimes (though I prefer trained actors) but directing, shooting, and editing CAN NOT be performed with no skill or practice. The results are disastrous.

Shit I ventured off course again! Back into the realms of techy geek speak:

The thing that's so great about digital motion picture capture and projection finally surpassing film motion picture capture and projection is not that it allows Hollywood to go on blowing up and smashing things in stupid new ways, but that now the QUALITY level of Hollywood is TRULY accessible to the individual or small crew of talented artists with vision, where as before it was out of reach.

Still, let's talk about WHY people love chemical FILM motion pictures and the reasons certain people kept giving to "shoot real chemical film or you're not a real film maker!"

Basically - there are three reasons movies shot on actual film by talented people were so much better looking than anything anyone at home could make or any digital process could do no matter how good the story. You could WRITE it, but you couldn't shoot it - or more accurately you COULD but it would look terrible! For years and years..... and years, and some more years - this was the plight that all indie film maker dreamers had to deal with. Sure, you had your occasional 'Blair Witch' or 'Paranormal Activity' that used how crappy video looks as part of the story - but that's a one trick pony. It only works once.

The three reasons movies shot on actual film USED to always looks better and more 'magical'  than anything shot on video tape or shot digitally are, #1 - 24p vs 60i (24p has a magical suspension of disbelief look bigger than life while 60i/p looks like life) - #2 - the  incredible resolution of film over digital and #3 - the dynamic range of chemical film (the ratio of how much detail can be in the lightest and darkest areas of the image). That is why people still went to movie theaters when TVs came out. TVs at home could not duplicate the theater experience. This is why TV shows that were shot on film look even more stunning now on Blu-Ray (sometimes too stunning), because the original audiences of say... "Star Trek" the TV series never saw the show at such a quality level even though it was shot at that level. That's just how good film was. It was "future proof". The fact that TVs in the 60s were not that great at visually producing an image actually helped Star Trek work and not look so fake as it does now on HD - but that has been addressed with retouching and computer updating so you can watch the original film or the restored and updated version, and that option is truly a great thing. 

320 x 240 60i - NOOOOOOOOO!
This is not so true with shows that were shot on video cameras like All in the Family, The Jeffersons, or soap operas. That is were that dreaded 'video look' came from and it is very low low resolution and low dynamic range so even prime time high budget shows that were shot directly to video tape do NOT stand the test of time as far as quality goes. They do not look good blown up to big full HD screens. Some software or hardware programs can do a lot of interpolation work and create some fake resolution to kinda sorta make it look ok but that's about it. Remember how horrible youtube looked when it first came out? Have you blown up the old 320 x 240 clips to 6 foot diagonal or bigger screens? IT'S NOT PRETTY! Even a total 'regular Joe' non technical / non movie buff audience member can plainly see that. Play the same clip on an old tube TV and it looks great, play it on the same size HD tv and it's a MESS! However, if you have a really long hallway and stand far far far away - it looks OK. Now you will start to understand resolution and how it relates to screen size viewing distance from the screen. Your viewing distance should always be twice the length of the screen for optimal viewing of HD on a big screen.

While there is nothing like a packed audience in a real big public venue to sense the collective consciousness of an audience engaged in watching a motion picture, all the TECHNICAL sound and visuals can now be reproduced at home - both the recording and the display and sound reproduction - AND on a decent budget. This was simply NOT possible for almost the whole history of movie making. Movies used to cost millions to make at the quality level that can now be had for thousands. Movies are finally undergoing the revolution that sound recording had in the 90s went Trent Reznor made the first NIN album "Pretty Hate Machine" on a home computer that cost a few grand rather than in a conventional sound recording studio that cost a few million. After that - as tech got cheaper and cheaper - EVERYONE was making music at home and pumping out CDs, and now everyone sounds like autotune everyone of course except Tay Zonday. CHOCOLATE RAIN! 

If you can sit through this whole thing without going insane - you have a special power.
The power of Chocolate Rain.

This is why everyone and their mom who has a new HD camera calls themselves a "film maker" or "director" now, much to the dismay of many a union card carrying old school actual director or camera operator - also known as a DP (director of photography) also known (if they are really fancy pants) as a "cinematographer."  Oooohhheewww! wow is that a fancy way of saying camera operator. The old dogs of chemical film do have one thing correct though - very few are actually good at making a movie. Making a really good movie takes talent, vision, and then practice, lots of it, and skill, and talent, rinse, repeat. Then again there's "THE TRANSFORMERS" (Sorry Michael Bay). I hate you in my own loving way. I forgive you - you know not what you do. VROOOOOOOOMMMMM BRAWWNNNN BOOOOMMM (CAMERA SHAKE).

Just having the technology to record motion pictures at a quality level and resolution equal to that of main stream Hollywood doesn't give you the skill to act or direct at a high end level just like owning a typewriter or computer doesn't make you a good writer or world class novelist. Buying the best ice skates in the world don't make you a world class ice skater.

But I digress... back to chemical film motion pictures vs digital motion pictures and all the fuss about resolution.

The best moving images or movie I have ever seen (we are talking technically not story) have been projected IMAX 3D in a real 4:3 film old school imax theater. Really, the movie watching experience doesn't get much better than 70MM x 48.5mm imax chemical film in a real IMAX FILM theater.

You are looking at a HUGE picture at a very close viewing distance that has an amazing amount of massive detailed resolution, dynamic range, and it is projected onto suck a large screen that it takes up all your peripheral vision. IMAX then scammed people by going to 2K digital projectors and not telling people (which caused a lot of anger) and produced a vastly lower quality image than true IMAX chemical film - while still charging you premium IMAX prices. The average viewer doesn't understand this stuff and it's hard to directly compare chemical film to digital because we are dealing with very different ways of storing and reproducing light to form an image, but real movie lovers notice these subtle differences and in the end of course it's story and performance first, and all the tech in the world doesn't matter if the script sucks and the actors are no good. But - just for wow picture quality's sake let's say this is a nature documentary like the BBC's outstanding (and a must own blu-ray for every big screen owner out there) "PLANET EARTH"piece where image quality is actually more important than the writing because the picture itself is the amazement - like still photography - but with motion. Does the end result done digitally look and sound as good? Well I am here to say YES, it finally does, but only in a few theaters for now, but I am sure it will be in all theaters soon.

The exact resolution of chemical film is a tricky thing and has been argued for a long time because it doesn't store an image as a definite X by Y resolution number like digital does, but by light reactive chemicals at multiple layers according to color so you have softer moving grains depending on film stock rather than sharp exactly defined pixels depending on the digital acquisition and intermediate steps.

A good analogy for this are billboards and LCD signs in Times Square. A plastered on a building printed billboard is closer to how chemical film looks / works and an lcd billboard is closer to how digital motion picture recording and projection works. The actual resolution of both is pretty awful. If you walked up too close to a billboard - you'll see big ugly dots. Walk up too close to an lcd billboard and you'll see pixels or actual individual lights - but since most of the world views them from the proper spot - more than twice the length away or further - they look amazing, sharp, and detailed, and increasing the resolution wouldn't do ANYTHING for people viewing it from that distance - it would only make it clearer for people close up - which most people are not. Get it?

Now I am a resolution, quality, and detail whore to the point of obsession. I admit it. I fiercely hated the decision of Lucas shooting the Star Wars shitquels - (actually only the last two shitquels were entirely digital - phantom menace was chemical 35mm film) Attack of the Clones - & Revenge of the Sith all digital because I thought Star Wars was too important to ruin with experimenting with tech that just wasn't there yet on material so important (you're going to shoot a Star Wars movie on a PXL-2000... WHAt WHAT WHAAAAT!!?!?). While I admired where Lucas was trying to go - my thoughts were, "experiment on another Howard the Duck or something but for God sake's man don't ruin Star Wars shoot it on IMAX!"! Of course.. I digress again because it was already ruined by the soulless scripts that had no resolution or definition themselves so the lack of resolution and detail in the recording I guess is fitting for what ruined Star Wars. Lucas and his many billions aren't hurt by little old me, so I'll end my hatred of how Star Wars was destroyed geek rant there but it connects:

Because of my insane obsession with quality, resolution, dynamic range, compression artifacts, and detail, I was a very very unhappy film maker and I abandoned the art several times (having used everything from real 8mm film as a 7 year old then downgrading to vhs, s-vhs, back to 8mm, hi-8, 3/4 inch, betacam, digital betacam, 1 inch uncompressed analog tape, DV, DV 24p (DVX-100 the first promising camcorder) early hdv, all the way up to this current HDSLR and red epic revolution. The first time I was EVER satisfied with something I shot (with the look - not the script or story line) and said to myself - THAT looks like f*&^ing FILM - FINALLY -was in July 2010 when I made this little piece with a hacked Panasonic GH13 camera:

"Saturday With the Dogs"

If you search for "clearest video ever" or "clearest encode ever" that comes up at the top on almost every search engine and I got a few directing and DP jobs from it after people's jaws dropped from seeing that sort of quality out of youtube HD video. You HAVE to have a full 1920 x 1080p monitor and fast bandwidth and choose full HD to watch it (most people never do this they watch it in the little crappy window or worse, they full screen the little crappy window and get 640 x 480p blown up to 1920 x 1080p which is awful and makes me cry).

That little experiment garnered me many underground friends, awards, and directing work where I was previously working as a sound designer and boom op as a 'day job' while I still called myself an actor but was doing very little acting. If you want to talk about all work and no glory - go into sound recording for film, it's a form of zen monk like self torture that is SO important to movies (like the foundation of a home is important to keep the house standing) but no one gives a crap about it. The sound guy is usually the weird mousy guy on set who doesn't speak to anyone and so since I was doing sound on the side because it was the only thing I could get paid for at the time and I had the high end recording gear, people found it very funny when I would be very gregarious and crack jokes or pranks - or start to give acting or directing tips, and I got many a harsh yell from a director in the form of , "who the fuck does this sound guy think he is!!?? An actor or director!!!? He's a fucking sound guy tell him to shut the fuck up!"

Little did they know that's exactly what I really was, but I had to zip it because, well, you know... whole chain of command on a film set thing - it's like a navy ship and even if you see the damn ship is sinking your supposed to shut up and mind your place while the ship goes down cause sound is just a recruit and the director is the admiral. Oh, and also - no one respects the importance of sound recording on a film until it's too late and they have ruined at least one film by being cheap on sound. Well.. fuck that shit I say, and that's why I rarely do sound anymore. Damn I'm angry now.. What the fuck was i talking about?! Oh yeah - film.... anyway it was fun for a while and while I was doing that I tinkered away at HD films ** cough ** HD 'motion pictures' and got some secret underground fame in the indie film world for having made the "blackout gh1 hack patch" which eventually turned into a collaboration called the Blackout-Powell gh1 or gh13 hack patch. By no means was it done by me alone - it was a combo of many people. A Russian dude Vitaliy Kiselev known as his handle Tester13 in the same way I am known as Blackout unlocked the firmware of the camera and low and behold it allowed me to tweak my Panasonic GH1 to produce images better than cameras costing tens of thousands of dollars more. I tweaked and tweaked till it looked like 24p chemical film to me, or as close as I could get, and it finally did!!! For the first time ever I was happy with how something I did looked projected on the big screen. This was huge, this was epic, and I made some decent money as an alternative to people shooting on film or the Red One, got to go to Sundance, and while everyone and their mom in "film school" was shooting blurry movies on the Panasonic HVX 200 and 170 as well as the Sony EX1 (slightly better but still video looking as all hell no matter what lens adapters you throw on it) and then the whole Canon 5d mark II and 7d fad which STILL isn't over and let me just say it right now - those cameras SUCK - I had made this piece on a camera and lens that cost about $1500 and projected it on a huge real movie theater screen and it blew all those film school and Canon cameras and even high end cameras like the Sony CineAlta out of the water which was and still is simply mind blowing to me when the other options cost $10,000 to $100,000 or more once you had the camera, expensive overpriced proprietary memory, lens adapters, lenses, and all the other mounting crap.

There is one close up shot at about 2:16 in that is of my dog Cider (RIP) that is so amazingly clear and film like that when people saw that projected and then saw the tiny little camera I shot the Saturday With the Dogs bit on - NO ONE even believed me, so when I would get professional gigs I would actually over deck out the camera to make it look more fancy but I really didn't need any of that crap. The Panasonic GH2 - which is even smaller and looks like a toy - took a loooong time to hack but once it was - if hacked and set correctly and operated by a skilled operator (DP) - it was capable of producing even MORE stunningly detailed high resolution full HD film like motion picture recording:

That digital cameras could finally make "real film looking motion pictures" that looked like film or better - my dreams were finally realized - but then weird things started happening in movie theaters...while 1920 x 1080p transferred to 35mm film looks awesome (the transfer actually gives a touch of softness that helps the image because you don't see direct pixels - you see film grain) - theaters started going to crappy 2k projectors starting with the Star Wars shitquels and Toy Story. I remember watching the digital projections of both and thinking how horribly 'digital they looked' if you weren't in the back of the house. This caused many people and critics and old school film makers who didn't quite understand what was going on to initially reject (and rightfully so) digital cinema and saying that it could never rival real film - and there are some people who still think that and while that may be true to a certain romantic level (film chemicals and grain adds a distinct look to the way it captures and stores and then reproduces light) but it can now fully be reproduced digitally without a shadow of a doubt better resolution and dynamic range (dark to light ratio) than any chemical film currently made.

FULL HD on Blu-ray (1920 x 1080p) is so clear as it is (and that's not even that big of a resolution for really big screens - it's 2073600 pixels - two million seventy three thousand and six hundred pixels changing 24 times every second for a total of 49,766,400 visual pixels per second in a full hd 24p movie or 99,532,800 pixels per second for a full HD 24p 3D (really 48p - 24 left eye pictures and 24 right eye pictures) that many films don't look so great and need serious clean up before going to full hd blu-ray (remember blu-ray is just the storage medium NOT a resolution but generally blu-rays are now all 1920 x 1080p), and that resolution is great for home theater or small movie houses where the viewing to screen distance is double the screen width. THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. This is why a lot of people say, "I don't even see the difference between blu-ray and DVD," because they either have a crappy small screen or old display or they are very far from the picture not getting the proper distance of viewer to screen size ratio correct to appreciate the detail.

In English - this is why 2K digital projectors look shitty or inferior to the first half of the audience in digital projection movie theaters. They are simply sitting too close! Chemical film is not always technically better it is just that you see grain or blur rather than blocks of sharp resolution with film - in but you see the pixels rather than the chemical noise - or the spaces which gives the resolution or squares away with digital projection done wrong.

I saw own a 3 lcd 6k hd projector that fixes this issue (when projecting on large screens for festivals) by half pixel off shifting each color (red, green and blue chips of 1920 x 1080 pixels each, then projecting into one color image - so your 1920 x 1080 film now has a 6K apparent look and you don't see the lines or pixels even if you are up close.

3D needs TWICE the resolution or two projectors and twice the speed to avoid that annoying flicker. Finally Prometheus - projected at 8K 3D - actually looked better than the IMAX digital experience which is only glorified blu-ray in a movie theater for the most part since they are phasing out actual real IMAX film negative theaters - there are only a few left and most productions are blown up and up sampled to the few real IMAX film theaters left - which is POINTLESS. - Welp - that's my tech nerd director rant for the week. I think I am going back to only acting.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Worry & Fear vs Love & Wisdom as Motivators & Catalysts

Sorry for my slackery here on my side of the universe and the lack of any new material from me on all my artistic fronts. I have justifiable excuses though. I swear! May was the month of hell for me. As I dealt with and am still moving through a bunch of literal disasters and bureaucratic red tape that would make the best and most motivated of us look up at the sky and yell, WHY ME OH THRICE GREAT OKAPI!?!?!? WHY ME!?!?

I have to laugh at my own life though. If I were reading about me in a comic book, I would be laughing.  After a wonderful time in Florida with friends, theme parks, and world class chef skillery (yeah - that's me cooking up some Blackout goodness for friends - I make words up) - I returned to NYC and it seemed my life literally fell to shit.  I lost a very big film production client over 'creative differences' who owed me money I was counting on, and as if that didn't suck enough, and I'm not kidding you here, I'm in a basement apartment that had the toilet explode and flood with shit. Full shit all over the place from the sewer. Who has that happen to them? SERIOUSLY!? What the hell?  Did someone voodoo to me? Did I do some great karmic wrong? No, I couldn't figure it out... the yinyang was TOO much!  The force too strong!

I had faced my fears and gone to FL court to fix all this bureaucratic red tape BS - and had emerged victorious, but then when I return to my studio in NYC - there is CRAP everywhere - LITERALLY!!!   It is STILL being cleaned up as I write this.  I started to feel overwhelmed right then. "How will I EVER clean this up? Holy SHIT!?!?" and then another whammy hit! After much money spent, and a thrilling victory in getting my Florida license cleaned up (bullshit of the bureaucratic kind) and being able to drive again, I just got a letter that the Florida 'computer' has decided on its own to revoke my license again even after everyone told me I was fine clear - dandy, no points, paid up, and even have 'SAFE DRIVER' on my damn record!  It was such an about face reversal of fortune  overwhelmingly shitty month (literally) that I really felt myself start to backslide into giving up. Throwing in the towel (and may 25th was/is towel day). I was feeling small and overwhelmed. That feeling you get when you have given something your all and thought you tasted sweet victory, only to have it all blow up right before your very eyes. I was disgusted, angry, furious, pissed,  fearful, overwhelmed, worried, and defeated. I was ready to fire cartoon guided missiles at the Florida DMV and then one at the house I live in and then one at myself.

One thing was different though this time.


The defeatist attitude doesn't stick anymore.

I recognized it. The backsliding, the slow grip of fear returning...the mind chatter of the fearful worried ego telling me that surely this proves that my positive thinking was all a sack of shit, and to prove it - the universe had exploded shit right where I lived, and taken away my ability to drive away from the shitty grossness by having all the red tape bullshit come back as well! SHIT everywhere, but I MUST stop this shitty thinking or only MORE shit will be the result! Oh shit!

As I sat around looking at the crap all over my apartment / studio floor, and the letter of license revocation. I was almost fully defeated - but a little voice behind me that has learned how to view me outside of myself...well, that voice chimed in. That voice...that AWARENESS that has been fully activated for a while now, that part of me then can see me in a third person perspective - it was laughing and laughing.  It took some time, but I had to laugh too.  I simply HAD TO. There was no other way to look at it. I took a deep breath (outside because I didn't want to breathe what was in my studio - way too smelly), stretched... and then got to the task at hand by.... GOING TO SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE!  Yes, that's right. That's how I handled it - by riding some more roller coasters.  Yes. I hear you responsible naysayers. Completely irresponsible of me I know - but there was no fixing the shit storm THAT weekend and no insurance and thousands of numbers to call and  my license was TECHNICALLY still valid it was only GOING to be revoked cause of a stupid law and time technicality (which I am currently working on). So WHY THE HELL NOT?  I had nowhere to sleep so I protected my most expensive film making gear by moving it and saved what puppets I could but beyond that getting the hell out of there was the best idea I could think of, and IT WAS A GOOD IDEA because when I came back, I had much relief and better clarity and was now ready to deal with everything, and then I started the overwhelming tasks of cleaning everything up by moving forward one step at a time and just seeing the end goal - not all the little steps. It's an on going process and was/is no fun let me tell you but I didn't give up. I AM STILL cleaning up this mess as I write this. This writing is actually a BREAK from cleanup! Are you enjoying my break?

This whole scenario really got me to thinking about fear and worry, and also about joy and fun,  and motivation... what IS it exactly that motivates people, and what stops some people dead in their tracks, and why I was better at handling it this time... where the OLD me of a few years ago would have been ready to off myself.   So lets tackle our old friends again - WORRY & FEAR!

People still stuck up in worry and fear keep telling me how they and everyone else needs their worry - that the WORLD needs worry and fear because worry and fear make people get things DONE.

Well, to those who hold these beliefs, I can not argue your worry out of you because that would violate your free will. If you believe that you have a lot more pain and suffering coming for you because you feel you need it, or because you think someone else is doing it - it doesn't really matter - you will get it. Realize that you are thinking and causing it - no one else. If you think you are so small in this big bad universe filled with manipulators too big to ever surpass... that the whole world's gone to shit and there's no coming back - well, you have your belief systems in place and it will feedback what you think. Are their manipulators and groups still hell bent on controlling you covertly through fear - absolutely, but they do it with your consent, or by your passivity or your outright worry or lack of self worth or self trust. I believe all beings to be equal powerful beings and unique. Some are more aware then others of certain things at certain times, and some use this advanced awareness for control over others or outright enslavement, and some care not for controlling others, and would have everyone be free, but by their very nature they can not and should not force that viewpoint!

Times are changing though so fast that even the most 'normal' or 'regular' person (whatever those two words mean) feels something is going on. I truly believe that this is the time to be dedicated to doing something without worry or FEAR as the motivator. Why am I writing this right now? No one is whipping me. I feel like doing it, I feel that SOMEONE is going to read it, and is going to get it, and is going to feel better for it, or helped a little by it, or inspired a little, and that makes me feel GREAT, and I am just writing from the heart.

In reality - we find in life, that usually the ones who are the most successful, with successful defined as "living their life dreams as they see fit" - were not driven by fear or worry - but by joy, passion, and dedicated focus. Again if suffering does form some motivator or catalyst initially - (which I believe it does) this does not mean it must forever! I think one only needs to suffer as long as one needs to know one need not suffer anymore. Some people seem to need a hell of a lot more suffering then others and might even be addicted to it. I see the old methods and systems of control that are worry / fear / suffering based as systems causing you to REACT to the external rather than ACT from the internal. The new new and better motivators (not so much new, but finally accepted as not fluff hippie talk) being love / joy / passion / excitement being so strong that not only will you be pulled to ACT in the direction of your passion, not REACT from fear of the whip, loss ,or the unknown, but it will require a force so great to STOP you from ACTing on your joy. There is no force that great except one - YOU. Only YOU stop you, consciously or unconsciously. You set up your blocks!

The analogy or metaphor I often think of to really get this idea and feeling into others is this, and you can get this easily right now because this is a real scenario that happens every morning so it's not hard to visualize. I have been part of this scenario in real life many times:

Imagine many people at the gate early in the morning when Disneyworld opens. Do you have to make the kids 'worried' about getting to the ride that they want to ride first to get them to act? Do you have to use fear? NO.

"Hey Bobby you better run cause you might not make it to the ride first or it might shut down, oh and yeah - kick any kid or anyone else who seems to be getting ahead of you or who might be in line before you. Kill them is you must it's survival of the fittest!"

No - that's ridiculous even though I'm sure there are a few military style parents who think that way with the fast passes bs and what not selling people more fear and worry of what they will 'miss out' and charging them another ticket after the ticket they already paid! Sure - there will be a few rotten apples but the true reality of the situation is that for most of the people there (at least the younger people and old as well who are still young at heart and not so jaded) are so excited and filled with joy that each moves towards his or her favorite thing with massive joy leading the way - not fear, and not worry.

Some run, some walk super fast, and some merrily stroll very slowly and take each little detail in and savor it - but for the most part, fear or worry are not the motivators at a theme park when those gates open. Excitement, magic, fun, wonder, playfulness and joy - which are all aspects of our most true authentic state as loving beings - this is the world I move towards. This is what spins around in the multi never before seen colors brighter than the sun theme park in my head. This is the great transformation I have made in myself (and it is a continual work in progress - I slip back, sure, oh do I slip - but now I am aware of it, and once you become aware of how you used to lead a fear based life, you'll always notice when you start to slip back because it feels so awful and heavy!).

I share this with others who WANT to hear and I explain that while the journeys and paths are all individual - there are certain methods to awaken you to YOU that are universal. Enlightenment is just a re-connection to the natural joyful consciousness of your most authentic self, and we all have different joys, but the feeling of joy is universal. I may love acting, roller coasters, film making, and Thrice Great Okapis, and you might like pickled herring, canoeing, camels, and lobsters. Whatever! Go for it! ACT on your joy. How can you NOT!? It's when you don't now, THAT is when you will feel worry, and sadness, as we start to operate from a better perspective and not the ass backwards way we have been. In the new paradigm shift - you'll naturally act towards your positive aspects and only feel worry and fear when you don't ACT towards your joy.... because that negative feeling will be the indicator of you holding YOURSELF back when you want to fly! Many of you are already feeling this as you start to 'get it'.

I made big mistakes in trying to 'help' certain people when they had firmly decided to be a 'victim'. I would get so frustrated that it would burn me out. Part of it was my own ego - I HAD TO SHOW THEM IF THEY COULD ONLY SEE, and part if it was just being plane empathetic and frustrated when seeing someone you care about hurt themselves so badly in a loop of sorts, and you can see the door - and you are trying to point them to the door out of the loop, but not only do they not see the way out as you clearly do, they kind of hate you for seeing it and for trying to help them because since they can't see it they take your help as almost a kind of self torture.

I'm done with that stuff.

I never give up on anyone or judge anyone (in some final sense) to the best of my abilities, but I now know very quickly who to talk to, and who to move away from, and I follow that instinctively and intuitively. This is Love, with Wisdom, or at least my version of it.

Love, Light, Laughter, Kindness, Creativity & Abundance ALL-ways,

- Blackoutl