Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Bitcoins are awesome

Bitcoins. Oh so beautiful even though you can't see them. Yes. They are, and I am Blackout, run the site Blackout.com, this, and BlackoutsBox.com and am in the #bitcoin-otc chat as BlackoutsBox. Yes. Tis me you bitcoiners. All hail the THRICE GREAT OKAPI!

- Blackout

adocc asked me to do this... and something about a shoe on top of my head.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Super Abridged Cliff Notes Version of Lord of the Rings - Bored of the Rings

I'm not a fan of the Lord of the Rings in any way shape or form, and this always gets the fan boys on my ass because they expect me - being the weird magical hat wearing dude that I am, to automatically love it. I tried, I really did. I read the books in a master edition leather bound hard cover, but I would always fall asleep.  Same with the movies.  Lord of the Rings is BORING to me. Boring, boring, boring. I really wanted to love it, as I love fantasy & magical worlds, but I just don't, and like George Washington I cannot tell I lie and so I must chop down the overgrown cherry tree.  I hope the Hobbit movie is better because I loved the Hobbit as a book & thought it was infinitely superior as far as story structure goes.  The saying , "less is more," really applies in comparing the two.

So to save anyone who can't get through 1200+ pages or 13 hours of movie, I have written a slightly abridged version:

LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY - (Slightly Abridged Script)

Bilbo: Yo what's up cuz, hey, I found this really evil ring... makes me invisible and greedy and I know it's bad but power is so sexy ya know what I mean?

Frodo: Hmmm. I think I'm just gonna stick to smoking. I really am not looking to get into harder drugs or evil rings right now I'm just gonna hit the pipe. (Take a big ass toke, eyes roll back into head)

Gandalf: Yeah, throw that bitch out.

Frodo: Hey Gandalf, just because you have a cool hat you think you can tell me what to do?! Bilbo gimme that ring now I wanna try it.

(Gandalf rolls eyes and face palms)

(Endless hours later of linear bullshit on way to big trashcan to throw out ring. Fighting, in depth talks and little raps about cake, some bad guys in black on the horse from the Denver airport - some trippy trees and nice mountains and stuff, then a slimey drug dealing meth addict looking dude who wants a hit of the ring too)

Frodo: Yeah. Better throw this bitch out.

T H E   E N D

Monday, July 23, 2012

Where Filmmaker's Dreams Begin - "A Trip to the Moon"

Wow, I entirely fell in love with the film Hugo. I was expecting crap. I guess you have to be a bit of a film buff or a filmmaker to really appreciate it or it could be boring. For me it had a very special personal appeal because the first film I ever saw when I was most likely a toddler was my grandfather's old old original copy of "A Trip to the Moon" or "Le voyage dans la lune" as it was originally titled by actor / writer / director Georges Melies. Just like in the movie, I watched it on very old 8mm film played on my Grandfather's old projector and screen.

I remember being bedazzled thinking, "that is magic.... how do the magic people get to do that? I want to do things like that.. I want to be a magic person," and so the spell began, and still continues.

- Blackout

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Love is Universal - but your Path is Personal - Origin & Destiny

I not only believe in love , but I KNOW love. I am not going to go into a big discourse on what the word love means and the many types. Hopefully you already know.

Furthermore, I not only believe I exist, but I KNOW I exist, and that I will persist. Is this a Destiny Origin or Origin Destiny question? Perhaps. if you put Destiny first you say it's all predetermined and so you say you have no say. If you put Origin first, I would think this better - because even though an Origin may lead to Destiny, you can write you're own script and choose your path to your start - your new start. Every moment a miracle. You see your part as both Origin and Destiny as a free loving being in a feedback loop.  This gives value to your choices for they are yours and you need not justify them to anyone else as long as you do no harm to anyone else.

Many here think I am arguing against God. That I am just some occultist. I am not. Our definitions differ. I am not an atheist, nor an agnostic either, nor any any name given to any religion or group. If one must label me, call me a poetic jester.

I AM - yet I am not part of the I AM movement. I AM LOVE. I AM CREATIVITY. I AM THE CHOICES I MAKE. I AM SMALL, I AM BIG, I AM LIMITED, I AM UNLIMITED. I love for the sake of it, and create for the joy of it. I am creativity and I know that I exist and I take great joy in that and wish to share as much laughter and joy as I can, but by inspiration only, never force or coercion. 

I need no rule book or creed anymore to justify my inner experience or that tells others that THEY are wrong if they don't follow my way or some way or THE WAY - because I know the others are part of me and I part of them. I respect. I disrespect those who do not respect but I respect their right to do so as long as they do not infringe on others.

Love is not forced. I should not force myself or my will upon anyone nor should they on me. That causes fear. Love is not feared, or at least it should not be.  Love does not condemn something and scare it and say it's doing it in the name of love! Each entity that experiences being loves in its own unique way on it's own unique path and it comes down to live and let live or slavery and bondage which usually comes from lack of love wanting to fix its hate by control and power. 

Love has no value if forced - for that is the same as hate. Any law that excludes others and declares itself ABOVE all in some hierarchy form is poor human thinking - not love, not caring, not inclusive, but noninclusive, disrupting, disharmonious, and destructive.

Ultimately, paradoxes resolve and there is still contrast to create with, but not a being at war with it's own self.

Follow your heart. Be love, with wisdom and grace. Dream.

Love, Light, Laughter, Kindness, Creativity & Abundance for ALL - ALL-ways,

- Blackout

Sunday, June 24, 2012

What's In Your Food & Water? The NWO Globalist Chemical Company Slow Kill Agenda & Alex Jones

A lot of people think Alex Jones is a nut case because he rants with a lot of anger.  I don't agree that rage is the answer but sometimes it does get you moving. I want to make it clear that just because I post some pieces of his does not mean I agree with everything he says 100% or in the ways he goes about things. I post pieces from various sources of truth seekers ONLY after I have done the research myself. I don't believe in siding with any party or group label.  I don't 'follow' anyone. I believe in making my own best choices based on love, intelligence, wisdom, and respect. I may make mistakes, but I learn from those mistakes.

So that much being said, yes, ia posting n Alex Jones clip here because it gets out a lot of important information in a short period of time that then can be expanded upon by you doing your own research.

In one of the calmest and most concise pieces he has put together - he explains the damage done by globalists and courts allowing life to be patented and controlled by global companies like Monsanto. This is not nutso conspiracy talk. This is fact and is going on RIGHT NOW and has been going on for some time but it was mostly hidden..  This is a must watch for anyone who cares or wonders about these questions:

 Why so many people are getting sicker earlier and earlier with weird new diseases and why are fertility rates are going down down down. If technology, modern science and medicine is so good, why have the average lifespans of humans decreased and while diseases in both children and adults increased? Does that sound like scientific progress to you?

The unfortunate reality is that it makes a much better business model for big pharma to have a sick, slowly dying patient than a cured one. This is why no western medicines cure - they only treat symptoms, while usually introducing a whole slew of side effects that may be worse than the original disease or illness! We have all heard the lengthy and horrid side effect disclaimers at the end of supposed 'medicine' commercials with the list of side effects often including death.. yes.. DEATH is a side effect now!  But most people don't want to think about or confront this stuff. Most are too busy playing with gadgets if they are doing well with money or too busy trying to financially survive to care that they are being slowly dna gene manipulated by frankenfood and toxic water. Then they wonder why they get a heart attack or some weird disease at 35.

"That can't be possible? I'm young! They scream out!"

Well it IS possible, it IS happening, and it needs to be addressed.

Think of the spike in non fertile men & women and the child mental and focus problems we currently see. Accident? I say no and the evidence is there.

Watch Food Inc, King Corn, Tapped, The Beautiful Truth, or any of the hundreds of documentaries done on how Monsanto and other monolith global companies have taken control of the worlds food supply (and now they're going after the water). Then don't just blindly believe it - research it for yourself. There are good scientists who know about this and have done independent tests that conclusively prove how harmful GMO food is, and how harmful fluoride in drinking water is, and they HAVE been trying to warn us, but the media is owned unfortunately by mostly bad guys in bed with these companies  - so use the internet to research and pull up the real science while it's still here before it becomes a terrorist act to do so.

Wise up, and use your money wisely. Voting isn't going to do shit. Romney or Obama? That's like a choice between Cancer or Lou Gehrig's Disease  Vote with your money. Don't support products or companies that are damaging. Support local farmers, businesses, and people you trust. Know the source of your food and water, and get an affordable water filtration system that removes fluoride.

PS: This piece is not about 'alien' as in ufo stuff. If that is what you are thinking - it is about humans wanting to control other humans (which has been going on apparently forever on this planet) by patenting and OWNING life (which they have already won the patent for) and introducing alien combinations into the food and water supply fully knowing the damage it causes which increases with every generation. Even Monsanto will not eat their own food inside their company cafeterias. I know I am usually known to bring humor, levity, and laughter to people, and I shall continue to do that. I am sorry if stuff like this scares some of you and makes you want to put your head in the sand like and ostrich, but from KNOWING what is going on, only then can we can make healthy loving choices not only ourselves, but humanity as a whole - present and future generations. Many of you have children. If you don't do something now - out of LOVE, not out of fear, your children may not being able to have children. Educate yourself. We can overcome this. We can not look to our politicians to do it any longer. WE must BE our own politicians.

- Blackout

Friday, June 15, 2012

Being Talent & Tech - My Geek Side - Digital Film Making Finally Beats Chemical Film Making




I'm an imagination person first. There's a theme park carnival universe in my head / hear - then I'm an an actor, then a writer, then a director, then a DP and then an editor (I think... the orders of those things switch - and I'm not including music or broadcasting or hosting). Somehow after or before or quantum sideways of that I have something to do with the Thrice Great Okapi but let's not get into that now. Why must you readers always distract me? Oh wait, you haven't read this yet. It's me who's distracting me. So sorry, let me get on with it:

As the title says. Digital Film Making Finally Beats Chemical Film Making.

I just viewed Prometheus. This article is not about the movie plot or merits. It was OK.  OK it was a little better than OK... I'd say 3 stars out of 4 for you geeks out there. It was dark and highly predictable in that same way that so many sci fi movies are with their ominous shots of Halo like activity but it was a fairly good movie none the less and the visuals are amazing! The focus here is that it was shot and projected entirely digitally. No chemical film.  I viewed it in 3D on dual 8K digital projectors from a digital source (it was shot on Red Epic digital cameras with Zeiss Ultra Prime and Angenieux Optimo Lenses) and I was so impressed that it led me to write this column that will only be appreciated by hard core film or motion picture buffs, fellow film makers, or total and absolute techy nerds.

I apologize to my regular 'wacky guy with a hat" audience about the extreme levels of techy geek I am about to enter but I am compelled to write on this for my film making friends (we need to change that terminology to 'motion picture' or 'movie' making, because old school film making is finally really dead and unnecessary.  OOPS I just blew my whole article away! That was a huge spoiler... oh well ...crap...so anyway I thought I'd give the above disclaimer, and now having done that... here we go!

Chemical film is finally dead. Let me make it clear I don't say this with a hatred of chemical film like it is some witch or beast that needed to be slayed, but it was/is just way too expensive. People who had the money liked this fact as it keep them in some sort of elitist club. I did not. I used to have fantasies of stealing panavision film equipment when I found out they only rented and didn't sell film cameras and related equipment. I say this as a LOVER of the motion picture 24p chemical film look that has been on a loooong (add as many o's as you need to make that long really looooong) quest to make movies that looked like what...well movies looked like... well.. at the movies!!! I was not once ever satisfied with digitally shot and digitally projected movies from the Star Wars fiascos to the IMAX lies (especially in 3D) until now.

Watching Prometheus on dual 8K projectors was the first time I could sit closer than mid row and be absolutely immersed in the entire film without seeing the artifacts of digital film making or 3D problems. The picture was as detailed as I have ever seen - other than some outstanding real (chemical film) IMAX 3D films - but nearly the same, and there were no pixels, the brightness was excellent, the 3D did not flicker. I mean seriously - holy shit it finally works! Give someone a gold star sticker!!!


So actual chemical film appears to really be dead now. There. I've said it again. Now I have never been a fan of the Red One camera but I have to say the Red Epic is, well, fairly Epic, and while it is still out of reach cost wise for most indie film makers, it has sealed the coffin on shooting with actual chemical film - and there are HD-SLRs out there that look nearly as good as the Epic without the cost if you don't mind not shooting at 5k resolution, which most people don't need and most audiences don't appreciate unless it's a massive screen and they are sitting close enough (we'll get to that in a bit).

Hollywood will use chemical film it a little longer because just like any old system that is in place - they don't like to change what is already working until they are absolutely forced to or the new thing saves them major cash and looks just as good or better. Well after finally seeing a film on dual 8K projection systems (unconverted from a 5k master) and then watching Men in Black 3 on a regular 2K digital projection system - the comparison is like this - Men in Black 3 looked to Prometheus like Nintendo Wii looks like after you play PS3 or XBOX 360 on a big real 1080p screen: horrible and blocky!

I enjoyed MIB3 immensly and think it was a much more fun movie to watch - but it looked horrible, and here's the funniest part of the whole thing - Men In Black 3 was shot on real chemical 35 mm Kodak film. It probably would have looked great if it was actually projected on 35mm film on real film projectors but that's a dying thing here in NYC. Almost all the movie theaters have gone entirely digital. Even little indie Film Forum and art house cinemas are going totally digital. It's just what level of digital have they gone to and as the hardware gets better and cheaper it's obvious film is going bye bye.

A 2K projector works great in your home living room theater or a small small venue, but it's not so hot  for a very large venue unless you're sitting past the mid row to the back row of seats. If you sit close than that, you'll see something like this:

Eww! What 2K projection looks like if you sit too close!

So let's talk about chemical film motion picture capture and projection vs digital motion picture capture and projection for a bit here, and lets talk about resolution and perceived resolution. This will be the really short cliff notes version.

Again, we need to stop calling films "films" now I guess and stick to "motion pictures" or "movies" because movies are not going to be made on film anymore for very long so it's confusing to call them films.

People love stories, and motion pictures are supposed to tell stories, and stories compress life into bigger than life moments and movie making is the latest of human art forms (only been around the past 100 years or so compared to say painting and sculpture that go back as far as time) and it's the only human art form that combines ALL the disciplines of EVERY OTHER art form and science known to man into a new art form. Movies basically combine all of the the arts into one. Writing, story telling, acting, live performance, photography, sound recording, music, dance, editing, art design, architecture, sculpture, modeling, carpentry, building, painting, lighting, magic, slight of hand, illusion, and the list goes on and on. All of us at one time or another have watched that gigantic list of credits that scroll after a movie and marveled at how such a thing could get done that involved so many people of so many different artistic disciplines. When a big movie actually does come out great it actually is a miracle to behold when you think of all the individual parts that have to gel together to make the whole movie work.

But I digress again. I love movies. That's the point. I love acting more than directing because acting is so much more fun for me... it's a virtual cake walk (sorry fellow actors but it is). Directing and editing are WOOOORRRRRRRK and this is why you'll find large gaps between my pieces, especially if I am trying to write, act, and direct. It's awesome inspiring fun creative work but damn it's work and so you'll never catch me procrastinating when it comes to acting - I can pop into any character almost on the spot, but with directing, shooting, and editing I procrastinate like a mofo. Acting is a lot more playtime to me. Talk about the craft all you want but acting for motion pictures can be done with 'no skill' if someone just 'has it' or is naturally right for a part. I have cast non actors plenty of times and it worked sometimes (though I prefer trained actors) but directing, shooting, and editing CAN NOT be performed with no skill or practice. The results are disastrous.

Shit I ventured off course again! Back into the realms of techy geek speak:

The thing that's so great about digital motion picture capture and projection finally surpassing film motion picture capture and projection is not that it allows Hollywood to go on blowing up and smashing things in stupid new ways, but that now the QUALITY level of Hollywood is TRULY accessible to the individual or small crew of talented artists with vision, where as before it was out of reach.

Still, let's talk about WHY people love chemical FILM motion pictures and the reasons certain people kept giving to "shoot real chemical film or you're not a real film maker!"

Basically - there are three reasons movies shot on actual film by talented people were so much better looking than anything anyone at home could make or any digital process could do no matter how good the story. You could WRITE it, but you couldn't shoot it - or more accurately you COULD but it would look terrible! For years and years..... and years, and some more years - this was the plight that all indie film maker dreamers had to deal with. Sure, you had your occasional 'Blair Witch' or 'Paranormal Activity' that used how crappy video looks as part of the story - but that's a one trick pony. It only works once.

The three reasons movies shot on actual film USED to always looks better and more 'magical'  than anything shot on video tape or shot digitally are, #1 - 24p vs 60i (24p has a magical suspension of disbelief look bigger than life while 60i/p looks like life) - #2 - the  incredible resolution of film over digital and #3 - the dynamic range of chemical film (the ratio of how much detail can be in the lightest and darkest areas of the image). That is why people still went to movie theaters when TVs came out. TVs at home could not duplicate the theater experience. This is why TV shows that were shot on film look even more stunning now on Blu-Ray (sometimes too stunning), because the original audiences of say... "Star Trek" the TV series never saw the show at such a quality level even though it was shot at that level. That's just how good film was. It was "future proof". The fact that TVs in the 60s were not that great at visually producing an image actually helped Star Trek work and not look so fake as it does now on HD - but that has been addressed with retouching and computer updating so you can watch the original film or the restored and updated version, and that option is truly a great thing. 

320 x 240 60i - NOOOOOOOOO!
This is not so true with shows that were shot on video cameras like All in the Family, The Jeffersons, or soap operas. That is were that dreaded 'video look' came from and it is very low low resolution and low dynamic range so even prime time high budget shows that were shot directly to video tape do NOT stand the test of time as far as quality goes. They do not look good blown up to big full HD screens. Some software or hardware programs can do a lot of interpolation work and create some fake resolution to kinda sorta make it look ok but that's about it. Remember how horrible youtube looked when it first came out? Have you blown up the old 320 x 240 clips to 6 foot diagonal or bigger screens? IT'S NOT PRETTY! Even a total 'regular Joe' non technical / non movie buff audience member can plainly see that. Play the same clip on an old tube TV and it looks great, play it on the same size HD tv and it's a MESS! However, if you have a really long hallway and stand far far far away - it looks OK. Now you will start to understand resolution and how it relates to screen size viewing distance from the screen. Your viewing distance should always be twice the length of the screen for optimal viewing of HD on a big screen.

While there is nothing like a packed audience in a real big public venue to sense the collective consciousness of an audience engaged in watching a motion picture, all the TECHNICAL sound and visuals can now be reproduced at home - both the recording and the display and sound reproduction - AND on a decent budget. This was simply NOT possible for almost the whole history of movie making. Movies used to cost millions to make at the quality level that can now be had for thousands. Movies are finally undergoing the revolution that sound recording had in the 90s went Trent Reznor made the first NIN album "Pretty Hate Machine" on a home computer that cost a few grand rather than in a conventional sound recording studio that cost a few million. After that - as tech got cheaper and cheaper - EVERYONE was making music at home and pumping out CDs, and now everyone sounds like autotune everyone of course except Tay Zonday. CHOCOLATE RAIN! 

If you can sit through this whole thing without going insane - you have a special power.
The power of Chocolate Rain.

This is why everyone and their mom who has a new HD camera calls themselves a "film maker" or "director" now, much to the dismay of many a union card carrying old school actual director or camera operator - also known as a DP (director of photography) also known (if they are really fancy pants) as a "cinematographer."  Oooohhheewww! wow is that a fancy way of saying camera operator. The old dogs of chemical film do have one thing correct though - very few are actually good at making a movie. Making a really good movie takes talent, vision, and then practice, lots of it, and skill, and talent, rinse, repeat. Then again there's "THE TRANSFORMERS" (Sorry Michael Bay). I hate you in my own loving way. I forgive you - you know not what you do. VROOOOOOOOMMMMM BRAWWNNNN BOOOOMMM (CAMERA SHAKE).

Just having the technology to record motion pictures at a quality level and resolution equal to that of main stream Hollywood doesn't give you the skill to act or direct at a high end level just like owning a typewriter or computer doesn't make you a good writer or world class novelist. Buying the best ice skates in the world don't make you a world class ice skater.

But I digress... back to chemical film motion pictures vs digital motion pictures and all the fuss about resolution.

The best moving images or movie I have ever seen (we are talking technically not story) have been projected IMAX 3D in a real 4:3 film old school imax theater. Really, the movie watching experience doesn't get much better than 70MM x 48.5mm imax chemical film in a real IMAX FILM theater.

You are looking at a HUGE picture at a very close viewing distance that has an amazing amount of massive detailed resolution, dynamic range, and it is projected onto suck a large screen that it takes up all your peripheral vision. IMAX then scammed people by going to 2K digital projectors and not telling people (which caused a lot of anger) and produced a vastly lower quality image than true IMAX chemical film - while still charging you premium IMAX prices. The average viewer doesn't understand this stuff and it's hard to directly compare chemical film to digital because we are dealing with very different ways of storing and reproducing light to form an image, but real movie lovers notice these subtle differences and in the end of course it's story and performance first, and all the tech in the world doesn't matter if the script sucks and the actors are no good. But - just for wow picture quality's sake let's say this is a nature documentary like the BBC's outstanding (and a must own blu-ray for every big screen owner out there) "PLANET EARTH"piece where image quality is actually more important than the writing because the picture itself is the amazement - like still photography - but with motion. Does the end result done digitally look and sound as good? Well I am here to say YES, it finally does, but only in a few theaters for now, but I am sure it will be in all theaters soon.

The exact resolution of chemical film is a tricky thing and has been argued for a long time because it doesn't store an image as a definite X by Y resolution number like digital does, but by light reactive chemicals at multiple layers according to color so you have softer moving grains depending on film stock rather than sharp exactly defined pixels depending on the digital acquisition and intermediate steps.

A good analogy for this are billboards and LCD signs in Times Square. A plastered on a building printed billboard is closer to how chemical film looks / works and an lcd billboard is closer to how digital motion picture recording and projection works. The actual resolution of both is pretty awful. If you walked up too close to a billboard - you'll see big ugly dots. Walk up too close to an lcd billboard and you'll see pixels or actual individual lights - but since most of the world views them from the proper spot - more than twice the length away or further - they look amazing, sharp, and detailed, and increasing the resolution wouldn't do ANYTHING for people viewing it from that distance - it would only make it clearer for people close up - which most people are not. Get it?

Now I am a resolution, quality, and detail whore to the point of obsession. I admit it. I fiercely hated the decision of Lucas shooting the Star Wars shitquels - (actually only the last two shitquels were entirely digital - phantom menace was chemical 35mm film) Attack of the Clones - & Revenge of the Sith all digital because I thought Star Wars was too important to ruin with experimenting with tech that just wasn't there yet on material so important (you're going to shoot a Star Wars movie on a PXL-2000... WHAt WHAT WHAAAAT!!?!?). While I admired where Lucas was trying to go - my thoughts were, "experiment on another Howard the Duck or something but for God sake's man don't ruin Star Wars shoot it on IMAX!"! Of course.. I digress again because it was already ruined by the soulless scripts that had no resolution or definition themselves so the lack of resolution and detail in the recording I guess is fitting for what ruined Star Wars. Lucas and his many billions aren't hurt by little old me, so I'll end my hatred of how Star Wars was destroyed geek rant there but it connects:

Because of my insane obsession with quality, resolution, dynamic range, compression artifacts, and detail, I was a very very unhappy film maker and I abandoned the art several times (having used everything from real 8mm film as a 7 year old then downgrading to vhs, s-vhs, back to 8mm, hi-8, 3/4 inch, betacam, digital betacam, 1 inch uncompressed analog tape, DV, DV 24p (DVX-100 the first promising camcorder) early hdv, all the way up to this current HDSLR and red epic revolution. The first time I was EVER satisfied with something I shot (with the look - not the script or story line) and said to myself - THAT looks like f*&^ing FILM - FINALLY -was in July 2010 when I made this little piece with a hacked Panasonic GH13 camera:

"Saturday With the Dogs"

If you search for "clearest video ever" or "clearest encode ever" that comes up at the top on almost every search engine and I got a few directing and DP jobs from it after people's jaws dropped from seeing that sort of quality out of youtube HD video. You HAVE to have a full 1920 x 1080p monitor and fast bandwidth and choose full HD to watch it (most people never do this they watch it in the little crappy window or worse, they full screen the little crappy window and get 640 x 480p blown up to 1920 x 1080p which is awful and makes me cry).

That little experiment garnered me many underground friends, awards, and directing work where I was previously working as a sound designer and boom op as a 'day job' while I still called myself an actor but was doing very little acting. If you want to talk about all work and no glory - go into sound recording for film, it's a form of zen monk like self torture that is SO important to movies (like the foundation of a home is important to keep the house standing) but no one gives a crap about it. The sound guy is usually the weird mousy guy on set who doesn't speak to anyone and so since I was doing sound on the side because it was the only thing I could get paid for at the time and I had the high end recording gear, people found it very funny when I would be very gregarious and crack jokes or pranks - or start to give acting or directing tips, and I got many a harsh yell from a director in the form of , "who the fuck does this sound guy think he is!!?? An actor or director!!!? He's a fucking sound guy tell him to shut the fuck up!"

Little did they know that's exactly what I really was, but I had to zip it because, well, you know... whole chain of command on a film set thing - it's like a navy ship and even if you see the damn ship is sinking your supposed to shut up and mind your place while the ship goes down cause sound is just a recruit and the director is the admiral. Oh, and also - no one respects the importance of sound recording on a film until it's too late and they have ruined at least one film by being cheap on sound. Well.. fuck that shit I say, and that's why I rarely do sound anymore. Damn I'm angry now.. What the fuck was i talking about?! Oh yeah - film.... anyway it was fun for a while and while I was doing that I tinkered away at HD films ** cough ** HD 'motion pictures' and got some secret underground fame in the indie film world for having made the "blackout gh1 hack patch" which eventually turned into a collaboration called the Blackout-Powell gh1 or gh13 hack patch. By no means was it done by me alone - it was a combo of many people. A Russian dude Vitaliy Kiselev known as his handle Tester13 in the same way I am known as Blackout unlocked the firmware of the camera and low and behold it allowed me to tweak my Panasonic GH1 to produce images better than cameras costing tens of thousands of dollars more. I tweaked and tweaked till it looked like 24p chemical film to me, or as close as I could get, and it finally did!!! For the first time ever I was happy with how something I did looked projected on the big screen. This was huge, this was epic, and I made some decent money as an alternative to people shooting on film or the Red One, got to go to Sundance, and while everyone and their mom in "film school" was shooting blurry movies on the Panasonic HVX 200 and 170 as well as the Sony EX1 (slightly better but still video looking as all hell no matter what lens adapters you throw on it) and then the whole Canon 5d mark II and 7d fad which STILL isn't over and let me just say it right now - those cameras SUCK - I had made this piece on a camera and lens that cost about $1500 and projected it on a huge real movie theater screen and it blew all those film school and Canon cameras and even high end cameras like the Sony CineAlta out of the water which was and still is simply mind blowing to me when the other options cost $10,000 to $100,000 or more once you had the camera, expensive overpriced proprietary memory, lens adapters, lenses, and all the other mounting crap.

There is one close up shot at about 2:16 in that is of my dog Cider (RIP) that is so amazingly clear and film like that when people saw that projected and then saw the tiny little camera I shot the Saturday With the Dogs bit on - NO ONE even believed me, so when I would get professional gigs I would actually over deck out the camera to make it look more fancy but I really didn't need any of that crap. The Panasonic GH2 - which is even smaller and looks like a toy - took a loooong time to hack but once it was - if hacked and set correctly and operated by a skilled operator (DP) - it was capable of producing even MORE stunningly detailed high resolution full HD film like motion picture recording:


That digital cameras could finally make "real film looking motion pictures" that looked like film or better - my dreams were finally realized - but then weird things started happening in movie theaters...while 1920 x 1080p transferred to 35mm film looks awesome (the transfer actually gives a touch of softness that helps the image because you don't see direct pixels - you see film grain) - theaters started going to crappy 2k projectors starting with the Star Wars shitquels and Toy Story. I remember watching the digital projections of both and thinking how horribly 'digital they looked' if you weren't in the back of the house. This caused many people and critics and old school film makers who didn't quite understand what was going on to initially reject (and rightfully so) digital cinema and saying that it could never rival real film - and there are some people who still think that and while that may be true to a certain romantic level (film chemicals and grain adds a distinct look to the way it captures and stores and then reproduces light) but it can now fully be reproduced digitally without a shadow of a doubt better resolution and dynamic range (dark to light ratio) than any chemical film currently made.

FULL HD on Blu-ray (1920 x 1080p) is so clear as it is (and that's not even that big of a resolution for really big screens - it's 2073600 pixels - two million seventy three thousand and six hundred pixels changing 24 times every second for a total of 49,766,400 visual pixels per second in a full hd 24p movie or 99,532,800 pixels per second for a full HD 24p 3D (really 48p - 24 left eye pictures and 24 right eye pictures) that many films don't look so great and need serious clean up before going to full hd blu-ray (remember blu-ray is just the storage medium NOT a resolution but generally blu-rays are now all 1920 x 1080p), and that resolution is great for home theater or small movie houses where the viewing to screen distance is double the screen width. THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. This is why a lot of people say, "I don't even see the difference between blu-ray and DVD," because they either have a crappy small screen or old display or they are very far from the picture not getting the proper distance of viewer to screen size ratio correct to appreciate the detail.

In English - this is why 2K digital projectors look shitty or inferior to the first half of the audience in digital projection movie theaters. They are simply sitting too close! Chemical film is not always technically better it is just that you see grain or blur rather than blocks of sharp resolution with film - in but you see the pixels rather than the chemical noise - or the spaces which gives the resolution or squares away with digital projection done wrong.

I saw own a 3 lcd 6k hd projector that fixes this issue (when projecting on large screens for festivals) by half pixel off shifting each color (red, green and blue chips of 1920 x 1080 pixels each, then projecting into one color image - so your 1920 x 1080 film now has a 6K apparent look and you don't see the lines or pixels even if you are up close.

3D needs TWICE the resolution or two projectors and twice the speed to avoid that annoying flicker. Finally Prometheus - projected at 8K 3D - actually looked better than the IMAX digital experience which is only glorified blu-ray in a movie theater for the most part since they are phasing out actual real IMAX film negative theaters - there are only a few left and most productions are blown up and up sampled to the few real IMAX film theaters left - which is POINTLESS. - Welp - that's my tech nerd director rant for the week. I think I am going back to only acting.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Worry & Fear vs Love & Wisdom as Motivators & Catalysts

Sorry for my slackery here on my side of the universe and the lack of any new material from me on all my artistic fronts. I have justifiable excuses though. I swear! May was the month of hell for me. As I dealt with and am still moving through a bunch of literal disasters and bureaucratic red tape that would make the best and most motivated of us look up at the sky and yell, WHY ME OH THRICE GREAT OKAPI!?!?!? WHY ME!?!?

I have to laugh at my own life though. If I were reading about me in a comic book, I would be laughing.  After a wonderful time in Florida with friends, theme parks, and world class chef skillery (yeah - that's me cooking up some Blackout goodness for friends - I make words up) - I returned to NYC and it seemed my life literally fell to shit.  I lost a very big film production client over 'creative differences' who owed me money I was counting on, and as if that didn't suck enough, and I'm not kidding you here, I'm in a basement apartment that had the toilet explode and flood with shit. Full shit all over the place from the sewer. Who has that happen to them? SERIOUSLY!? What the hell?  Did someone voodoo to me? Did I do some great karmic wrong? No, I couldn't figure it out... the yinyang was TOO much!  The force too strong!

I had faced my fears and gone to FL court to fix all this bureaucratic red tape BS - and had emerged victorious, but then when I return to my studio in NYC - there is CRAP everywhere - LITERALLY!!!   It is STILL being cleaned up as I write this.  I started to feel overwhelmed right then. "How will I EVER clean this up? Holy SHIT!?!?" and then another whammy hit! After much money spent, and a thrilling victory in getting my Florida license cleaned up (bullshit of the bureaucratic kind) and being able to drive again, I just got a letter that the Florida 'computer' has decided on its own to revoke my license again even after everyone told me I was fine clear - dandy, no points, paid up, and even have 'SAFE DRIVER' on my damn record!  It was such an about face reversal of fortune  overwhelmingly shitty month (literally) that I really felt myself start to backslide into giving up. Throwing in the towel (and may 25th was/is towel day). I was feeling small and overwhelmed. That feeling you get when you have given something your all and thought you tasted sweet victory, only to have it all blow up right before your very eyes. I was disgusted, angry, furious, pissed,  fearful, overwhelmed, worried, and defeated. I was ready to fire cartoon guided missiles at the Florida DMV and then one at the house I live in and then one at myself.

One thing was different though this time.


The defeatist attitude doesn't stick anymore.

I recognized it. The backsliding, the slow grip of fear returning...the mind chatter of the fearful worried ego telling me that surely this proves that my positive thinking was all a sack of shit, and to prove it - the universe had exploded shit right where I lived, and taken away my ability to drive away from the shitty grossness by having all the red tape bullshit come back as well! SHIT everywhere, but I MUST stop this shitty thinking or only MORE shit will be the result! Oh shit!

As I sat around looking at the crap all over my apartment / studio floor, and the letter of license revocation. I was almost fully defeated - but a little voice behind me that has learned how to view me outside of myself...well, that voice chimed in. That voice...that AWARENESS that has been fully activated for a while now, that part of me then can see me in a third person perspective - it was laughing and laughing.  It took some time, but I had to laugh too.  I simply HAD TO. There was no other way to look at it. I took a deep breath (outside because I didn't want to breathe what was in my studio - way too smelly), stretched... and then got to the task at hand by.... GOING TO SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE!  Yes, that's right. That's how I handled it - by riding some more roller coasters.  Yes. I hear you responsible naysayers. Completely irresponsible of me I know - but there was no fixing the shit storm THAT weekend and no insurance and thousands of numbers to call and  my license was TECHNICALLY still valid it was only GOING to be revoked cause of a stupid law and time technicality (which I am currently working on). So WHY THE HELL NOT?  I had nowhere to sleep so I protected my most expensive film making gear by moving it and saved what puppets I could but beyond that getting the hell out of there was the best idea I could think of, and IT WAS A GOOD IDEA because when I came back, I had much relief and better clarity and was now ready to deal with everything, and then I started the overwhelming tasks of cleaning everything up by moving forward one step at a time and just seeing the end goal - not all the little steps. It's an on going process and was/is no fun let me tell you but I didn't give up. I AM STILL cleaning up this mess as I write this. This writing is actually a BREAK from cleanup! Are you enjoying my break?

This whole scenario really got me to thinking about fear and worry, and also about joy and fun,  and motivation... what IS it exactly that motivates people, and what stops some people dead in their tracks, and why I was better at handling it this time... where the OLD me of a few years ago would have been ready to off myself.   So lets tackle our old friends again - WORRY & FEAR!

People still stuck up in worry and fear keep telling me how they and everyone else needs their worry - that the WORLD needs worry and fear because worry and fear make people get things DONE.

Well, to those who hold these beliefs, I can not argue your worry out of you because that would violate your free will. If you believe that you have a lot more pain and suffering coming for you because you feel you need it, or because you think someone else is doing it - it doesn't really matter - you will get it. Realize that you are thinking and causing it - no one else. If you think you are so small in this big bad universe filled with manipulators too big to ever surpass... that the whole world's gone to shit and there's no coming back - well, you have your belief systems in place and it will feedback what you think. Are their manipulators and groups still hell bent on controlling you covertly through fear - absolutely, but they do it with your consent, or by your passivity or your outright worry or lack of self worth or self trust. I believe all beings to be equal powerful beings and unique. Some are more aware then others of certain things at certain times, and some use this advanced awareness for control over others or outright enslavement, and some care not for controlling others, and would have everyone be free, but by their very nature they can not and should not force that viewpoint!

Times are changing though so fast that even the most 'normal' or 'regular' person (whatever those two words mean) feels something is going on. I truly believe that this is the time to be dedicated to doing something without worry or FEAR as the motivator. Why am I writing this right now? No one is whipping me. I feel like doing it, I feel that SOMEONE is going to read it, and is going to get it, and is going to feel better for it, or helped a little by it, or inspired a little, and that makes me feel GREAT, and I am just writing from the heart.

In reality - we find in life, that usually the ones who are the most successful, with successful defined as "living their life dreams as they see fit" - were not driven by fear or worry - but by joy, passion, and dedicated focus. Again if suffering does form some motivator or catalyst initially - (which I believe it does) this does not mean it must forever! I think one only needs to suffer as long as one needs to know one need not suffer anymore. Some people seem to need a hell of a lot more suffering then others and might even be addicted to it. I see the old methods and systems of control that are worry / fear / suffering based as systems causing you to REACT to the external rather than ACT from the internal. The new new and better motivators (not so much new, but finally accepted as not fluff hippie talk) being love / joy / passion / excitement being so strong that not only will you be pulled to ACT in the direction of your passion, not REACT from fear of the whip, loss ,or the unknown, but it will require a force so great to STOP you from ACTing on your joy. There is no force that great except one - YOU. Only YOU stop you, consciously or unconsciously. You set up your blocks!

The analogy or metaphor I often think of to really get this idea and feeling into others is this, and you can get this easily right now because this is a real scenario that happens every morning so it's not hard to visualize. I have been part of this scenario in real life many times:

Imagine many people at the gate early in the morning when Disneyworld opens. Do you have to make the kids 'worried' about getting to the ride that they want to ride first to get them to act? Do you have to use fear? NO.

"Hey Bobby you better run cause you might not make it to the ride first or it might shut down, oh and yeah - kick any kid or anyone else who seems to be getting ahead of you or who might be in line before you. Kill them is you must it's survival of the fittest!"

No - that's ridiculous even though I'm sure there are a few military style parents who think that way with the fast passes bs and what not selling people more fear and worry of what they will 'miss out' and charging them another ticket after the ticket they already paid! Sure - there will be a few rotten apples but the true reality of the situation is that for most of the people there (at least the younger people and old as well who are still young at heart and not so jaded) are so excited and filled with joy that each moves towards his or her favorite thing with massive joy leading the way - not fear, and not worry.

Some run, some walk super fast, and some merrily stroll very slowly and take each little detail in and savor it - but for the most part, fear or worry are not the motivators at a theme park when those gates open. Excitement, magic, fun, wonder, playfulness and joy - which are all aspects of our most true authentic state as loving beings - this is the world I move towards. This is what spins around in the multi never before seen colors brighter than the sun theme park in my head. This is the great transformation I have made in myself (and it is a continual work in progress - I slip back, sure, oh do I slip - but now I am aware of it, and once you become aware of how you used to lead a fear based life, you'll always notice when you start to slip back because it feels so awful and heavy!).

I share this with others who WANT to hear and I explain that while the journeys and paths are all individual - there are certain methods to awaken you to YOU that are universal. Enlightenment is just a re-connection to the natural joyful consciousness of your most authentic self, and we all have different joys, but the feeling of joy is universal. I may love acting, roller coasters, film making, and Thrice Great Okapis, and you might like pickled herring, canoeing, camels, and lobsters. Whatever! Go for it! ACT on your joy. How can you NOT!? It's when you don't now, THAT is when you will feel worry, and sadness, as we start to operate from a better perspective and not the ass backwards way we have been. In the new paradigm shift - you'll naturally act towards your positive aspects and only feel worry and fear when you don't ACT towards your joy.... because that negative feeling will be the indicator of you holding YOURSELF back when you want to fly! Many of you are already feeling this as you start to 'get it'.

I made big mistakes in trying to 'help' certain people when they had firmly decided to be a 'victim'. I would get so frustrated that it would burn me out. Part of it was my own ego - I HAD TO SHOW THEM IF THEY COULD ONLY SEE, and part if it was just being plane empathetic and frustrated when seeing someone you care about hurt themselves so badly in a loop of sorts, and you can see the door - and you are trying to point them to the door out of the loop, but not only do they not see the way out as you clearly do, they kind of hate you for seeing it and for trying to help them because since they can't see it they take your help as almost a kind of self torture.

I'm done with that stuff.

I never give up on anyone or judge anyone (in some final sense) to the best of my abilities, but I now know very quickly who to talk to, and who to move away from, and I follow that instinctively and intuitively. This is Love, with Wisdom, or at least my version of it.

Love, Light, Laughter, Kindness, Creativity & Abundance ALL-ways,

- Blackoutl

Monday, April 23, 2012

Money Is and Should be Easy to Understand But We Let Jabberwockys Control It and Us

The corporate media (except the internet) would have you believe that Ron Paul doesn't exist or is just some religious grandpa _______ (fill in the blank with your favorite extremist divide and conquer label) nut who has no chance - yet as far as I can see, he has been asking the same questions and his persuasiveness has not wavered. I'm going to show a clip from 12 years ago of him trying to get Alan Greenspan to answer some very basic accountability questions about the federal reserve and what it has been doing, and he makes a very clear analogy that if he as a doctor practiced medicine in the same manner that the federal reserve toys with the monetary system - his patient would be DEAD.

The first part of this video will be easily understandable by most people and Ron Paul's dialog will also be easy and intentionally clear and understandable. That is how things SHOULD be among honest men and women. Then listen to Greenspan.  Greenspan just answers with a bunch of stuttering gobbledygook loop de loop BS overly complex sounding Jabberwocky talk that will not be understood by most watching this because that is the nature of the fed's and all private bankers' game, but then Paul is not fooled, he sees right through it and cleans up Greenspan's babble with one very clear and distinct sentence:

"So it's hard to manage something you can't define."

Greenspan: "It is not possible to manage something you can't define."

BOOMO! - the pink elephant in the room appears! Greenspan has just admitted that his agency can't possibly do what it is 'supposedly' designed to do. Manage the people's money - because they have made it secretive, fiat, and undefinable. What the agency really does and what it was designed to do it does do very well  - flat out STEAL & ROB real value from individuals.

Here, watch for yourself:

When money (and without getting overly complex let's just call money a store of VALUE with value meaning something worth something to both you and at least one other individual - not debt as it currently is) is tied to a tangible agreed upon thing (gold, silver, butter sticks, shells, lobster heads, jewels, sneakers... it doesn't matter but gold and silver and jewels have been used the most) by the people trading it - it is measurable and definable and accountable because it simply represents a unit of value that is agreed upon and used as the medium for barter rather than direct barter itself. SIMPLE. PERIOD.  I give Joe fisherman 5 silver coins for some of his fish and he accepts it rather than me bartering directly with him by making him a fish commercial with my director skills and camera equipment because right now I need fish, Joe doesn't need a commercial, and a third individual - Sarah Boater, sells boats that Joe Fisherman needs, but Sarah doesn't currently need fish but will take an amount of silver coins for one of her boats and use it for something she needs - maybe wood from Robby Woodcutter. It all works out because the REAL creators ARE the traders and agreed on it openly with no secret middle men manipulating it.

PEOPLE, (actual people not corporate persons) in going about their free lives of self determination, decide to use silver or seashells or pearls or gold coins as MONEY and the WHOLE thing is PUBLIC and ACCOUNTABLE at any time (the item used as a store of value instead of direct barter) so you can conduct PRIVATE and PUBLIC trade using a knowable definable and tangible thing. It's really not that hard to understand nor should it be, and those who DO try to scam are easily detected if things are kept OPEN and boy do they pay dear consequences (usually death back in the day when fraudsters were easily caught). When how money works, is issued, and is manipulated and controlled is kept SECRET and UNACCOUNTABLE as it is now, where these small groups of fraudsters have WON the Monopoly game, but like an evil little brother who doesn't want the game to end because he likes the feeling of power at the Monopoly endgame and knows if it FULLY ends, all the pieces go back in the Monopoly box and he doesn't have his hotels, fake money, fake power, and fake property anymore... so he says, "ummm you don't have to pay rent this time, you can just do _____" and has fun toying with his own form of Monopoly welfare until you finally get so annoyed you bitch slap him and knock the whole game board off the table. That's about where we are now, and that's a good thing because by knowing what we don't want from going through it, we can now better know what we want and DO something about it, and not let greedy psychopaths run the board.

WARNING: PG-13 warning but I think this video gets the point across rather well:

Starting to get it? Let's review once more. In the first video in this blog (play it again after reading this) you'll hear a lot of babble from Greenspan about monetary aggregates, proxies, banking industry expansion, that they (the federal reserve) believe in sound money, but wait no they don't, or wait no - they don't what it is, no wait they don't care... then you'll hear more babble about liquidity structures, the terms  m1, m2, m3, mzm, m&ms, peanut m&ms, eminem, and other crapolah and you will most likely be completely lost and thinking, "WTF!!??" to yourself  (which is exactly Greenspan's intention - to befuddle and confuse) as you listen if you know nothing of how the monetary system really works, so just like how they had to pass out a flyer with a mini dictionary on it before the opening of DUNE (a mess of a movie that has some very very good ideas that are much better conveyed in the books), here is your monetary dictionary to better understand the above video:


But let me help out and break it down:

Basically, in the 1st clip (remember 12 years ago, it was 2000), Ron Paul is saying Allen Greenspan should resign, because he was around when money was sound and definable, and now his policies have been to make it fiat, and undefinable, and it is clearly not working (no fiat money ever has), not definable, not accountable, secretive, very advantageous to some and very hurtful to others, and Greenspan, after a lot of stuttering hodge podge talk - agrees, but doesn't care because he is in on the secret advantage side. It's like he's playing Stratego or Battleship against you and he gets to see all your pieces before playing but you don't get to see his, and he acts as if he hasn't seen your pieces and doesn't know, but he does. Who do you think is going to win in that rigged game? Him, and guess what, unless you stand up and call the game foul - unless you look into things and declare that you will no longer play a rigged game, there is no one to blame but yourself. They only derive their power because YOU gave it away to them willingly - even if you did it unconsciously.

Several years later in yet another interview, Greenspan openly admitted that the Federal Reserve (and I really don't even think the federal reserve deserves getting capitalization) is an independent agency, above all governments, and that  no one and no thing can overrule actions that it takes. Not any government, not any president., and he doesn't say it but he implies especially not you - the individual person living life among these 'agencies'. He's wrong though, and his arrogance and the arrogance of all of his cohorts will be their downfall. He went as far as to say that what the relationships between the federal reserve and presidents  don't matter because no one can do anything about anything they do! What you talking about Willis?!  Don't believe me? Here he is in his own words, with the EXACT wording transcribed:

Now please PAY ATTENTION (literally because you have and are PAYing in CASH and TIME for NOT PAYing ATTENTION:

"REPORTER: What is the proper relationship... what should be the proper relationship between a chairman of the Fed and a president of the United States?

GREENSPAN: Well, first of all, the Federal Reserve is an independent agency. And that means basically that, uh, there is no other agency of government which can overrule actions that we take.

So long as that is in place, and there is no evidence that the administration, the Congress or anybody else is requesting that we do things other than what we think is the appropriate thing, then what the relationships are don't frankly matter.

I've had very good relationships with presidents."

Now we have Ben Bernake instead of Allen Greenspan, but the rigged game is the same, only now we have actually seen the bubbles pop that were spoken about in these videos.

Bernake is just another greedy clown mime doing the bidding of his masters (not fellow man) in return for lots of cash, but now the double speak doesn't work so well anymore and people are waking up and are not so distracted by all the clowns juggling and distraction. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three thrice, enough shame and blame - time for a new non rigged game.

JFK knew what was going on in secrecy and he tried to warn us about it:


He was killed for this. Are you going to turn your head and look the other away, and keep the chains on, or are you going to wake up and stand up for your freedom and move onward and past the age of bozos?

Only YOU have the POWER to make the decision for YOURSELF. No one can do it FOR YOU.

When people like YOU DECIDE not to blindly follow what's around, the house of cards will come down, and new and real freedom created from within - from individuals - from YOURSELF - will finally be found. 

- Blackout

Saturday, April 21, 2012

It's a Beautiful Day - The Power of 11

I just went outside to take out the garbage and the recyclables out. So there I am, at about 6 am, in Cat in the Hat pajamas and my top hat (can't show anyone my bedhead it's crazy). 

I had a little gathering the night before so there were quite a few extra bottles of Magic Hat beer to take out. As I am bringing the blue bags that you must put recyclables in or the trash guys will kill you, a lady is coming by with a cart who in the mornings goes down the blocks opening the bags and collecting the bottles for the refunds. She is very polite and takes the bottles quietly and carefully re-ties the bags as to not make a mess (not like many others who just rip them open and leave a mess). I see her, smile at her, and say good morning which catches her by surprise because many neighbors yell at her - thinking she is the one that messes up their trash bags. I know she is not, but I guess I startled her so one of the bags rips, bottles fly everywhere, and she nervously apologizes and tries to tie it back up but it's beyond hope as it's one of those cheapo thin thin recycle bags. 

"I'm so sorry, please, please, I apologize," she says while looking ashamed.

"It's nothing don't worry about it, I know you don't rip up the bags like others I'll just get another bag, don't worry about it, take the bottles you need," I reply, wanting to calm her down.

She calms down, kindly says thank you multiple times and continues to collect the beer bottles that have strewn about the sidewalk, but in a very nervous manner.

I run inside to get another bag, think about the situation for a moment, and reach into my pajamas, and low and behold I have 11 bucks crumpled in them that I didn't even know about. A ten and a one. I go to grab the one to give to her but something tugs inside of me and I realize again what 11 symbolizes, that we are all connected, that we are all all one, even though we are individuals at the same time. Plus, I just found the money myself...why am I being so cheapo? Who needs it more right now? I know the answer.

I hand her the 11 dollars and she almost has a heart attack of shock. 

She looks at me with half total bewilderment and half complete joy, as if she just won the lotto.

"Thank you! Thank you! Why you do this?" she asks as if she can't even comprehend it. Most likely she is too used to being yelled at and scuttling off.

"I've had money challenges too. I've been there. I've had to collect bottles too, and I wished someone would help me a little, and somehow, someone always did, so I am just helping you a little now."

Tears well up in her eyes and she gives me a big hug and again thanks me. Now I'm crying too, but it is a good one of joy in recognizing another self feel happy. She again looks down at the 11 dollars as if it were 11 million.
The garbage truck comes by and one of the guys notices the scene and I kid you not he has a little ghetto blaster that is playing, "It's a Beautiful Day" by U2. I don't really like U2 much but I love that song and now we're both laughing, realizing how odd this must look to the garbage man.

"Hey, how's everybody doing!? Alright alright! Spread the love, spread the love! It's a beautiful day!" he says in a thick New York accent.

I laugh, go back inside, hearing the music trailing off and trying to process the entire experience that just happened and I think to myself.

Indeed it is a beautiful day.

- Blackout


Friday, April 20, 2012

Are True Crime, Murder, and Rape Shows Good For You? I Don't Think So.

I think these 'true crime stories' type of shows are a kind of sick addiction. My mom and a few other people I know watch these things non stop. Horrible gruesome true crime stories on the whatever network that plays nothing but that 24/7. I'll see her by the TV and hear, "then after the police found her skull in pieces, they found her arms in the attic, but the fingers weren't there. Where were they? Somewhere even more terrible." Then cut to commercial break for antidepressants. Seriously! This is real documentary stuff and then my mom (and a few others) have severe depression and sleeping problems and nightmares and you WONDER why!?!? 

Now, I LOVE haunted house stuff in movies or etc but I keep my scares fun. I am not interested in hearing about someone's torture on and on. If someone is in trouble I help and if they need to talk and tell a tale I'll listen but once and that's it - let's fix it and move on. But these shows... the terror of the event repeated over, and over - it's like they are programming the fear of the event into people and making it happen ALL over again, and again, and depressed people FEED on it. I can't imagine how the families can allow it. I'm no church lady but I think the shit is really bad for you. Turn off the news. Turn off those crappy reality and death reenactments. Put on "I'm Walking on Sunshine," dance around and GO OUTSIDE for the love of Platypus!

- Blackout


That's the only scare that interests me. Call Beetleguise or something if I scare you.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How You CAN Be Happy - An Open Letter to Weary Souls Looking for Help, Hope, Rest, Kindness & LOVE

I suggest that as you read this, you listen to this piece of music (right click open in new window or download it first and then play it and continue reading) :


There are many tired souls. They look for answers but are weary. Can you help a weary soul today? Can you help someone smile for a moment, because all there is - is the moment, so if you can help them shift for just that one wee little bit, maybe, just maybe, they might have an AHA! moment of how to do it consciously on their own, and even if they don't, what's the worst you have done? You brought some joy where it was clouded, and I say clouded because joy is ALWAYS present - but we distance ourselves from it and complicate things by letting worry hold the reigns of our life. Maybe the weary soul is you? Can you lighten up on yourself? I say you can.

I admire many Buddhists' tenants - with the most important ones being the concepts of "right thinking" and "do no harm".  I do not subscribe to the idea that LIFE IS SUFFERING.  Life here on earth is ALL things, and yes, it can be mostly suffering when you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to live YOUR life by OTHERS rules of what life is supposed to be - or that most dreaded of all words...NORMAL. Normal is the most UN normal thing there is!

Have you ever noticed that there are some places where people are happy and trusting? Where doors are left unlocked and bicycles tilt against trees without big chains around them and don't get stolen - where children play without paranoid parents glancing all about in fear. The reason you have areas where things are peaceful and joyful, whether they be small little country towns or whole states or entire countries where you can leave your door unlocked or your bike against a tree and walk peacefully without fear of loss or harm is not because that area is specifically any safer than any other area.  The difference is in the INDIVIDUALS who make up that community and HOW THEY THINK and TRUST EACH OTHER.  In SAFE areas, people are not indoctrinated slaves with beliefs of violence, scarcity, fear, division (whether by race, religion, status, money, or fill in the blank).

People in safe areas tend to have inner peace and whether they have an iq of 7 or 167 the big difference is internally. Those individuals care about their neighbors as they do themselves.  There is a Mayan greeting which would be our version of, "hello," that roughly translates in English into "hello other self," or "hello other me." Here in the U.S. so many have bought into the constant hypnotic bombardment of TV shows and news of fear, separation and scarcity and to "lock your doors," cause a big bad monster is out there coming to get you and "killers are right among you in your very neighborhood," and so on and so on and so on. It's FEAR tactics at it's very worst.

Anyone who has bought into that paranoia will their lives in fear and suffering and most likely inflict that on those around them, but we, those who know better, must help them as best we can. It's the old saying:

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. 

They didn't know any better and fell into fear and those who do know better are manipulating them by using what they know for evil - to spread more fear so they can have more control. It is an addiction to them.

Well WE who DO know better as well and yet do NOT seek CONTROL of others need to step up to the plate and help those who are caught up in the hypnotic mess of fear! We don't need to do this through force. We don't need to join a group or protest. We don't need to go and kill the manipulators although we may have to remove soe of them from government and pull the curtains back and shine some light on how they operate. We need to do it with love, a smile, a chuckle, and gently. We really need to just be our authentic selves, and show others that they have the power to do the same.

When you go to a peaceful area - people their usually don't even WATCH the news presented on mass media, and if it's on they chuckle and turn it off. They get their news from actually INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER!  They recognize manipulation and poppycock for what it is and they also recognize  love, peace and joy for what it is and they choose it!  Right here, right now.  In peaceful communities, it isn't some weird form of utopia or creepy cult where everyone has to be the same - it's very simple, it's CARING! If someone falls down, whether you know them or not, you help them! Someone walks by and says, "sir or ma'am" are you alright? And they help that person up. Just like you would want to be helped up if you fell down or got hurt.  Kindness. Caring. They are more than words. People with kindness and caring in their heart don't walk past others in suffering and ignore it like so many worried people do in the big cities, and they certainly don't push or wish more hurt on the person who fell by thinking something along the lines of, "idiot, can't even walk," or "what a bum, well I gotta get to work."

No. They do not do that. They help, as best they can, and they realize they are helping themselves in the process. When one person of the community gets hurt or suffers a loss, we all do, and when one person experiences a triumph or a great joy - we all experience it. We are ALL helped, and we all cheer for them, not snicker under our breathes in jealousy, for when we cheer for someone else's joy we are cheering for the inherent joy in all of us, and when we condemn, we are really condemning only ourselves because we believe we lack something - and that is what causes jealousy and greed. 

In good communities, when an individual suffers a loss that is a bit too big for them to handle alone, they don't rely on insurance companies or government to come in and fix things. No! Neighbors come together and pitch in and help, and they feel good in doing so because they see their neighbors as themselves, not as competition, and they know that their neighbors would help them if they were in need. That is what the human family is, but some of us have become so blinded to it.  People helped each other out LONG before government or State Farm! Why can't we do it now?


In America most have been trained that more for you is less for me, when the opposite is true. More for your neighbor is MORE for you!  The more I help people, the more love, light and laughter that I bring into people's lives, the more joyful MY life gets! The more awakening, the more awareness, and the more harmony and joy I feel as well - because we are all connected, and I have helped my brother or sister, and in seeing their spirits lifted up, so is my own, and I cheer for them, I cheer for me, I cheer for us ALL.

I know how the day to day dribble of trying to be 'normal' can wear people down, and I'm a young man, but once I was filled with suffering, filled with hate for this world, filled with worry, and I felt isolated and separated. I felt that no one understood me and that the world was just a cold place. I felt like I did not belong here. Like an alien from another planet. This world was a pain in the ass about chasing money to survive and getting a high score to show off how you stomped over someone else and I just wasn't interested. I was wrong though. I was misguided. I didn't have a good teacher. I didn't have this kind of knowledge that you are reading about right now, so I became isolated and severely depressed for a very very long long time.

I suffered, and I suffered, and I suffered some more. They tried to put me on meds. Meds are like throwing rocks in your brain.  If you are depressed, and I slam you in the head with a shovel - guess what - you are not going to be depressed for a bit because the shock of the shovel hitting your skullface is going to suddenly bring you to the PRESENT MOMENT and out of your mind trip of worry caught up in the mistakes and regrets of the past and future.  Did I cure you? No, I probably pissed you off though, but guess what, anger is a step up from apathy or depression - it's just that most people then just get stuck in anger or slide back down to apathy. They don't take the steps needed to get past their head trip and into the now and DECIDE to be happy.  Once you DECIDE, you may SLIDE back from time to time, but you will never fully fall back in as deep, because you will have left yourself markers to guide you back out of your own holes that you dug and might still dig from time to time.

Their is a spiritual inner REASON people get depressed - because it is their entire inner being telling them they are not being their authentic selves, and not LIVING and expressing their joy fully and freely, so they start to recongnize the cage of society that they are in but they can't quite express it, they can't quite put their finger on it, and so they feel trapped, and when you feel trapped and think trapped thoughts, you ARE going to feel bad, because it is in our very nature to be free, and those awful feelings are your indicator to CHANGE SOMETHING in your life! That change has to start with your THINKING for anything else to really stick.

Something, something in the core of my being knew this wasn't right, this wasn't what life was supposed to be. Wait! What's that thought?  Maybe I DID have a good teacher after all! Maybe suffering was my teacher. I had that thought, and I thought to myself, SCREW IT. I'm done with this. I'm either going to kill myself or get over this horrible feeling, but I'm doing SOMETHING and I am making a choice now. I came very close to suicide, but an inner voice and guidance knew that was no answer, and that if I did that, I would most likely just loop de loop back around into the same mess or worse.  So I decided no matter what the cost (other than physically harming others or their property) that I was going to live life on MY terms, in MY way, how I wanted to, and follow the joy of just being ME and doing what I love WHEN I want to do it, on MY own schedule, not someone else's.

I started relaxing more, I started  creating more and being more of who I really am at the very core of my being. I started laughing and laughing a hell of a lot more and I stopped getting so caught up in labels or caring what others thought of me or if they 'approved' of my new perspective or way of being. I am a being of love, light and laughter. I am an actor, a lover, a writer, a thinker, a poet, a prankster,  an inventor, a trickster, a chef, a director, a photographer, an editor, an animal lover, a roller coaster rider (and maker) and a billion other labels, but above all, I am me - a unique creator and an appreciator of all of creation.

At first - those around me didn't know what to make of it, or me, because they were still locked into their little boxes, but as I expanded, I noticed I started meeting more and more free spirits such as myself, and even people who I met who were in jobs that I would never want to do - I found them to now be different type of people, and that many of them actually loved something that I presumed surely everyone must hate! As my consciousness and awareness expanded, my bliss and joy expanded exponentially.

That's the trick of suffering. You only have to suffer long enough to understand that YOU DON'T HAVE to SUFFER.
YOU cause it, not the world, and YOU can end it when you make the CHOICE to. To what? To be and spread and notice joy starting from within.  You don't have to croak to get some peace. You don't have to transition into the frequency outside of life on earth to get some rest or be happy.  Some people actually croak and TAKE suffering with them when they transition because they are so very very attached to that frequency and consciousness survives death of the physical vehicle you call your body.  I know that, but I can't MAKE you know that, you have to experience it for yourself, and you don't have to kill yourself to do it.

I highly suggest reading author Robert Monroe's "Journey" trilogy of books on out of body experiences. They are fascinating, because they come from a man who did not believe with even one ounce of his being that the sort of thing that happened to him (popping out of your body) to be possible. He was a scientist, yet it happened to him, and at first he thought he was crazy, and he sought the help of a psychologist, but then, as his journeys out of his body continued to happen,  he finally decided to deal with it and he treated it as he was trained to do - as a scientist, and studied and learned from it as much as he could, so that he could help both himself and others understand it better so people wouldn't be in FEAR if it happened to them, and the books that he wrote are brilliant in that they are written as scientific journals and not in a new age fluffy way that turns many people off who are more logical / left brain dominant types.

He combines science and spirituality and shows that they do not have to be opposed to each other as polar opposites like they are now. Science and spirit can be friends. They can and should meet.

The books:

Journeys out of Body

Far Journeys

Ultimate Journey

I consider those three to be some of the best in my library of thousands of books. I would also highly recommend:


That would be for the more intuitive / right brained inclined being. I find myself being both logical and intuitive, but I tend to trust my intuitive sense more and feel more connected to it as I have seen how my logical mind can OVER analyze and loop de loop itself into worry, but I don't allow that anymore because I recognize it right when it starts, and I cut it off before it turns into an out of control whirlpool. I have made the CHOICE to be happy and spread joy to others to the best of my ability. So again this book may not be your cup of tea if you are purely a materialist and do not believe in meditation, life after death (or life after life as I like t call it) or channeling, or a soul or spirit, but I say it can still be valuable to you regardless of your current belief system. Pay attention to the information and concepts, and you can not help but to be blown away or at least raise an eyebrow - whether or not you believe in the methods the writers used or the source. Some truth will either resonate with you or it will not.

In any case, and in any way your path leads, I wish you, everyone in the world, and all beings everywhere (and nowhere) lightness of being, peace, joy, love, laughter, creativity and abundance. You are currently in a human body with a human mind, and it can get very entangled in crap just as a computer can get viruses that slow it down, but you can reprogram yourself for peace and joy. This is not just fluff talk. You really can do it! I know from personal experience, and while my way of doing it is unique to me, the methods are universal to all.

Everything does not have to be a fight. You don't have to go through so much drudgery just to get flickers of happiness. You can rid yourself of the viruses of the mind.  Life can and is meant to be fun and joyous most if the time, with little challenges here and there to provide contrast and excitement and growth to our creative abilities, love, and imagination. If we didn't have contrast and challenges, we would just be stagnant. Imagine a movie with no drama or challenge? Would you want to watch a 3 or 4 hour movie of people in white suits in a white room listening to the same notes on a white piano? Blech! No, we have COLOR! We have darkness and light, and we have the ability to create whatever we want as we choose our own path. We are our origins and we are our destinies - and we are infinities withing infinities.

Let me not get to spacey, and let's get back to the very practical challenge of how to get yourself back on track, or at least to some relief, when you are in pain or suffering of any kind.

Whatever the challenge may be that starts you down a vortex of sadness, sorrow, pain, loss, guilt, shame, or isolation - it's all the same, and it matters not what the thing is that made you feel this way. What matters is what are you going to do to feel better? Here is what I suggest:

I suggest thinking from the heart when your mind starts its bickering and mind chatter and makes you worry about this or that trivial affair and suffer again.  Your mind and ego and old programming may trick you and lie to you for a bit because of the negative programming, but your heart will never lie. It is connected to higher source.  It is connected to ALL THAT IS. You can connect to that higher source, you in actuality always are connected, but you have the illusion that you are not when you are in fear and you close up your faucet to love so to speak.  You can CONSCIOUSLY connect to ALL THAT IS and be in the moment - the present - the here and NOW, and be in bliss if you so choose to do so.  Some of you may say, "no! That's a load of crap from weirdo hippie people! I can't possibly do that I am about to be kicked out of my house and have my car repossessed and you don't know my mother and what she did to me and blah de blah de blah," but those are just excuses. Those are just ways your negative ego mind lies to you and fools you by justifying your reasons to suffer.

I will prove to you that you CAN stop that crap and tap into absolute and total love, joy, and creative bliss.   You have done it many times, but as you grew older, many of you forgotten those magical childhood moments of exploring a forest with friends, or your first kiss, or playing games. PLAY! Do you remember play? Sure you do... but maybe you think you can't do that anymore - that you're an adult now, with responsibilities, and the time for childhood joy and fun has passed you by.

I will prove you wrong RIGHT now.


Laughter. That's how.

Laughter is a love machine gun. Laughter is play. Laughter is childhood bliss returned.  Laughter is an epileptic fit of love and joy that can't be stopped!

I don't care HOW your mind is chattering on. I don't care how BAD your situation or life circumstances seem to you right now and how much your mind might be trying to justify why you are fucked and life sucks.  If you have laughed in your life, you can be healed.  You HAVE experienced the bliss of the universe.

So very simply, for those who don't want to go further, go find the funniest thing you can right now and laugh, and I dare you to try and worry or be miserable about whatever it is you are miserable about while you are laughing. YOU CAN'T. It's IMPOSSIBLE!

But the laughter LEAVES you say, and then I'm back to the sadness, the depression, the worry, the world.

OK. Fair enough argument. Well the next time that happens, try this:

Take three deep breathes, close your eyes, and place yourself outside of yourself for a moment as an observer of your own self, as if you were watching you in a movie. Say to yourself, "oh, look at me with my little drama going on over there with my petty stuff with the condo board or my job or the argument with my friend that I am making into such a huge deal. Wow! blah blah. Heh. So silly!"  Then place your concentration in your heart area and think of something, anything, and what the thing you think of will be unique to YOU but I call them triggers - it could be a thought of gratitude for something, or something that you love dearly (try to keep it something in the present, like a flower you like or a pet that is ALIVE or a roller coaster or park or place or smell or taste you love - and not on something in the past that you MISS and think you have lost) or you could focus on something right in FRONT of you RIGHT now that makes you happy or glow. We all have them, all you have to do is ALLOW them.  It could be a pet, it could be a friend or lover, it could be a tree or something in nature, or it could be suddenly seeing ART and BEAUTY in the dirty crack in the sidewalk. 

I can't tell YOU what YOUR trigger is. YOU have to find it, but we all have many, and when you find yours, and you will - you will have an AHA! moment, and that is the magic that you must experience for yourself. That is the magic that I cannot put into words here, but the words that I CAN write CAN guide you towards it.

The magic is the moment of being here, in the NOW, in the present, and really FEELING all the feelings that words like peace, love, and joy hint at, but don't capture because they are just symbols for the experiences - they are not replacements for the experiences themselves. Just like a book on sex is not sex! 

Your inner guidance system, your navigator or internal compass so to speak, it knows this truth.  It is only your untrained or out of control mind that is always worried about the future or past and fools you into buying into the "poor me I'm a sufferer," game. You need to take the reigns of your mind and DIRECT your THOUGHT.

Once you get the AHA! moment once - you WILL remember it, and you can practice it.  You don't need to be a monk and sit in a cave for years  - unless that's what you really WANT to do.  Enlightenment and peace can be right here, right now, and as a matter of fact it IS right HERE, right NOW, but will you ALLOW IT IN? WILL YOU CHOOSE IT? That is the only question there really is, and that is the only decision you ever really have to make in ANY situation. Will you follow your bliss? Only YOU know the answer. I hope you choose wisely. I trust and have faith in you.

Love, Light Laughter, Kindness, Creativity & Abundance for ALL beings ALL-ways,

- Blackout -